Texas has passed an extraordinarily ridiculous law banning fish from pedicure salons. These little fish were used in pedicure to nibble away dead skin. The extremely foolish explanation why this ban was put in place could be phrased as follows: There might be a minute possibility that by using the fish on different customers there maybe could be the remote eventuality of an infection.

Here is a list of 6 further laws for the safety and wellbeing of the population of Texas. Not putting them into force would be an absolute disaster and would mean the complete wipe-out of whole families. The governor of Texas may therefore consider this as an urgent petition.

As an anti-epidemic precaution, only one way throw away toilets maybe used anywhere in Texas.

The wearing of gasmasks is mandatory for everybody to prevent transfer of germs. Landowners are responsible for equipping all animals on their premises with gasmasks. This includes spiders, ants, beetles and grasshoppers.

The trying on of shoes and clothing in shops or anywhere else is forbidden. Lending of clothes to another individual is a capital offence.

Transport of food is only allowed when sterilized and canned.

To minimise the risk of an epidemic, only one person may be in the same room at the same time. This applies to cars, buses, railways, and airplanes as well. In zones of higher risk like hospitals non compliance is a capital offence.

Only one person may be in the same swimming pool at the same time. After use, the water has to be completely changed and the pool disinfected.

Should these measures not show the desired effect, the governor may apply emergency laws and forbid drinking, eating and breathing any time.

This probably should take care of the Texan problem.