Luke shows his identification and orders gin.are you kidding me? this is Luke?the bartender thinks. he doesn’t have the boyish adventurous look anymore.his face has a scar across one eye running down his cheek and the mouth turns down into a slight sour grimace.he notices the look of recognition in the bartender’s eyes and leans his head back slightly and half closes his eyes.i feel ridiculous,but i could swear luke’s going to use an ancient mind trick on him.just like in the movies.Luke relaxes and his face looks like he’s in the midst of orgasm.if you care to picture him that way.he slowly opens his eyes and repeats his order for gin.

“yes sir.right away,friend.”the bartender responds.

i can’t stand it.curiosity killed the cat and mick Jagger’s satisfaction brought him back. i rudely butt in.

“hello friend.” i start.Luke half turns to face me.Christ,that scar is really disgusting up close. i can almost smell the burnt flesh.just my overactive imagination i suppose.”are you a pilot by chance?”

reluctantly Luke answers.i guess he figures I’d be more of a nuisance if he doesn’t respond.his slow deliberate answer and something malignant in his demeanor,almost makes me wish i hadn’t opened up dialogue with him in the first place.of all the times in my mind i imagined meeting this larger than life hero….this is definitely NOT how i thought it would go down.

with short,succinct answers Luke tells me he is a pilot and a soldier,he blanches at my mention of the word knight.”it’s really just a job.i punch in and do my thing.that’s all.it’s not the glamorous,adventure you’ve been lead to believe it is.it’s hard and it’s tough and it hurts.and guess what? in the end the bad guys win anyway.”he turns from me and downs the rest of his drink.he orders another double and starts in with it immediately.i wasn’t prepared for this and i feel disappointed.what the hell did i expect anyway? i slip off the bar stool and start to move away.Luke grabs me by the arm.”hey,you want my story?listen to all of it.” i smile and say something lame and try to pull away.i shouldn’t have bothered him.i had no right.”no.you wanted to meet me? you think it’s like the movies?sit down son and I’ll give you an education about the war in the stars.”i hesitate.”sit,” Luke repeats and puts me in a wrist lock,”be my guest.”

wincing at the pain in my wrist i sit back down.Luke looks straight ahead as he talks now.”I’m going to tell you everything.you sit there and listen.don’t move,don’t interrupt,or…” my head explodes with a searing pain.it feels like my skull is being carved out like a jack-o-lantern with a laser scalpel.just as i pray for unconsciousness the pain totally disappears.”when i finish i want you to get up and walk away from me.if you ever say another word to me here or anywhere else I’ll kill you.do we understand each other?” fearing more physical punishment i nod my head.”good.now let’s debunk the kind old man in the dessert myth.the man who taught me bought me,and others,from poor peasants.we were to be trained as knights and sold to rebel units who could afford to purchase his trained mercenaries.he was a master knight but war had turned him sick and perverted his soul and mind.he trained us well but he also physically and sexually abused each of us.all his students hated and feared him.this gave him a sense of power over us and he used it as an excuse to hurt us in ways a teacher shouldn’t.he claimed it would make us strong in battle.it pushed us to work harder just to survive his violent outbursts.he didn’t die gloriously in a duel,a small group of his students were able to suppress his mind and slit his throat in his sleep.i wish i could have been one of them.he died so violently that his corpse and the power held within it annihilated his assassins.those lucky bastards.have a drink.”

i nod and we both are presented with more gin.the bartender is under this knight’s mind control so he doesn’t notice he’s keeping me hostage.the booze helps my fear.without it i think i would have voided my bladder by now.the neon Schmidt’s beer sign throws a sickening glow on that damn scar of Luke’s.it seems to pulsate and throb to the words and emotions within him as he tells his tale.i wish to god now i had never talked to him.

“after our “graduation” into knighthood i was sold to a small rebel band on a frozen planet.as the old man had warned and prepared us for,the rebel soldiers themselves balked at my abilities.as trained,i selected the strongest,biggest of their number and tore his jugulars out of his neck without laying a hand on him.i then proceeded to control the mind of the second in command.i forced him to drink the flowing blood of his soldier and then controlled the mind of the finest female officer and forced her to give herself to me there-in front of everyone.after this spectacle they all feared me and would only come near to bring my food and water or any equipment i requested.just as the old man had promised.you can’t live with other men when you are a knight.they won’t believe and take every chance to try to best you or belittle your abilities.you must control them through fear.my conscription ended with that particular group of rebels when our base was overrun and i sold out the survivors for a place on the enemies ship.as a token of good faith i killed the rest of the rebels in that camp with their own weapons.as trained,a knight must do whatever he must to survive.no other life comes first.i learned that lesson well and have lived by it to this day.i was sold to a mercenary and as a mercenary i have been sold numerous times.my only allegiance is to the the brotherhood of knights.it would turn out that this wouldn’t be the only instance in which i had to go against my “employers”.you ready for another drink yet?”

another two gins are placed in front of us. i think I’m going to puke.the booze,the war story,that sickening scar…i learn to the side and as i put my head down in defeat to the queasiness a bright soothing light goes off behind my eyes and my stomach is instantly soothed.i retain my buzz and feel no ill effects.the urge to vomit and the queasiness are completely gone.”feel better?” Luke asks.”i want you to bear witness to my experiences.you can’t do that if you’re vomiting and sick.now pay attention.” i suppose he has a mind trick for nearly everything.what control could he exert over a human body?the thought sends shivers down my spine.the scar on his face turns a bruise colored purple as a faint smile plays at his lips.i guess he knows just what I’m thinking.

“a star of death powerful enough to destroy another planet? nothing like that ever existed.the enemy had bases that nearly covered whole worlds but never a star of death.and no,none of those world class bases has ever been completely destroyed.destroy a whole planet of enemy fortifications?! even for a film that seems ridiculously far-fetched.what else would you find interesting?oh,i didn’t have a sister,but i did have a brother.it is the custom of the knights to kill any siblings after “knight graduation.” it protects the order from vengeful siblings seeking justice against their own kin for the many evils we are destined to perform.in my case i was merciful and slashed my brother down with my blade.nearly painless for him.other knights are not so generous.the terrible training we endure often breaks the hearts and souls of knights and either drives them to madness or such rage and bitterness that they can never kill enough to get past it.which is of course what we’re made to do.kill.and kill .and kill.”

at this point Luke orders some nachos.”could you add some extra sour cream with those,pal?” he asks the bartender.”point out the most attractive woman to me in this bar…go on.” Luke tells me.i point to a brunette at a far table.”o.k.you like her?” i admit i do.”you can have her.after our talk i’ll “arrange” things.she’ll leave with you tonight.she’ll be “under your spell” for 6 hours.use the time wisely.that is my gift to you for bearing witness to my story.is that satisfactory?” still concerned about his threat if i spoke,i vigorously nodded my head.”good.now pay attention there’s more to tell.” the nachos arrive and i ask to go to the restroom.he looks into my eyes and can tell i’m not lying.my bladder is about to burst.he makes it clear that if i try to make a break or get help he’ll kill me painfully and slowly without laying a finger on me.meeting his stare i nearly piss myself right there.still afraid to say a word i try to think it as clear as i can.”i won’t do anything but urinate and come straight back.believe me.don’t kill me.”he searches my eyes till i can’t stand it.on the verge of tears and trembling he finally breaks his glare,turns his head, and fixes his eyes back on the neon schmidt beer sign which seems to glow brighter and with an evil tint under his gaze..”go ahead.i’ll be waiting.”thankful,and scared out of my mind i nod vigoriously in gratitude and numbly make my way to the restroom on unsteady feet.

“you alright,pal?” a baseball capped mechanic,by the looks of him and his oil covered clothes suggest,asks as he shakes it off.without waiting for an answer,”yup.’ol barley pop doesn’t stay in long-do it? you know what they say,don’tcha?you don’t buy beer,you only rent it!” this witticsm sends the man into braying bursts of laughter.he finishes another couple of quick shakes,zips up,and slaps me on the back and my stream shakes and spurts and douses the front of my jeans.”hang loose guy.”

right.loose.relax.that knight can read my thoughts.just play it cool and get out of there as soon as possible…but then the thought of the brunette i pointed out to him crosses my mind.slowly my fear drains out of me and is replaced with a randiness and urgent need for her.i instantly become rock hard.i lean forward to hide my erection and still it stiffens and hardens.my manhood is so filled with blood now it feels as if it may burst-i’ve never had such a serious boner in my life!i feel each heartbeat in my throbbing wang.my posture now,leaning as far into the urinal as possible, forces me to spray the top of the porcelain with the last burst of my urine,again giving my trousers a good soaking.as soon as i finish i lose the erection and struggle to put the sopping mess of wet shorts and wet dick away.the knight did that on purpose.why did i even bother going to the restroom? i think as i i walk back to the stool my jeans soaked to the knees in piss.

i hurry to the stool next to the knight and try to nonchalantly sit down,like i didn’t just piss my pants.i send up a silent prayer that no one notices…and at the same moment i’m asked.”had some problems in there?” by Luke.the big grin on his face as he stuffs the last of the nachos into his mouth assures me that whatever hell he may have gone through,he hasn’t lost his sense of humor.though it’s probably been twisted into something cruel and mean.i get confirmation of this as the brunette catches my eye and walks over to us.she maintains eye contact the whole way over and slips a piece of paper into my hand and carresses the back of my neck and shoulder.”i’ll be waiting’ she purrs in my ear as in a flash my boner returns with such urgency that i shoot off in my shorts.she seems not to have noticed my extremely short,but intense orgasm,and walks to the ladie’s room.Luke can’t contain his laughter this time and covers his mouth with his napkin as he laughs until tears run down his cheeks.my fear of him ebbing once again,in my humiliation,i start to feel anger.who is he to use me like this?so what if he is a knight,the whole world should cater to him? and what about his…my thoughts are instantly cut off like a spinal cord injury cuts off nerve impulses to the legs of a paraplegic.i see endless dust cover dunes strewn with bodies,stinking poison gas,smoke,wrecked military transports and the howl of the wind mingling and carrying the cry of the wounded and dying.i feel the loneliness and isolation of being the last breathing man on an asteroid light years from civilization.nothing but cold and darkness surrounding me.i feel what is the suffocating stinking rot of being in the stomache of some giant space insect and carving my way out with sword and laser pistol before i’m digested.these thoughts are countless more horrors are followed with the accompanying emotions of terror,fear,claustrophobia and hopelessness.sinking under the weight of these experiences and pain i start to black out.my mind can’t take so much all at once.and as things go dark-it all disappears.i look down and see luke’s hand on my wrist and see him stare into my eyes.that disgusting scar throbbing (god,always throbbing like some parasitic leech with a mad case of the bone-ons clinging to his face!) as my head clears and i return to the world i hear him say,”that’s just a small sample of what i’ve endured.i find it a wonder i can laugh at all.”i realize that his touch was a physic link and i experienced a fraction of what he has.how could a being live through such torment and hell?what would be left but a menacing killing monster?Luke’s slight nod and grim smile confirm he has yet again read my thoughts. gesturing at the paper still in my hand,”that’s her phone number.put it away until our business is finished.”i jam the paper into my wet,smelly pocket hoping it won’t smear so bad i can’t read it later.

“christ,where were we? oh,did you like those little furry guys in the last installment? a cute cuddly cross between a kuoala bear and a teddy bear? that was real.but not like how it was presented in the movie,of course.did you really buy small little cuddly puppets building vietnamese-like booby traps and destroying weaponry and equipment light years ahead of any technology you currently have on this planet?fully trained combat soldiers against the teddy bear patrol and the trained soldiers don’t have a chance??those scenes and your people’s acceptance and embracing of them helped convince me that man on this planet was as stupid and gullible as any race i’ve encountered on the furthest of stars.” i remembered those scenes from the film when i was a kid and i hadn’t bought it then.if a kid in the middle of an epic hero drama can’t believe what’s up on the screen the writer has some serious limitations.a boy will do everything to try and believe his cinematic heroes and their conquests.the cutesy bears didn’t make me a believer then.”yeah,i and one other knight walked through their whole world and harvested all their furs for beer money.we were in-between missions and high at the time.the whole race was slaughtered in 4 hours or so.haha,they weren’t so cute inside out.” Luke orders another double at this point and stirs his fresh drink thoughtfully as he states,off-handedly,”and they tasted like ass.” almost absent mindedly Luke opens a compartment on his cargo belt and takes out what looks like dried meat.”here,” he says as he offers me a chunk,”try it yourself.it’s your one and only chance to eat the cuddly little guys.they are gone forever.we let almost all their carcasses rot,but we skinned and prepared a few-just to see how they’d taste.

hesitantly,i take the meat and start to set it on the bar.in the back of my head in large blood red letters the words EAT IT! are screamed.i don’t think-i start to chew it.he’s right.it does taste like ass.still,it doesn’t bother me too much.i suppose because i never really cared for the characters in the movie,now i can eat one of the last of their kind-and not feel too guilty about it.the power of cinema!

“what else? oh,yeah,EVERYONE is an ace pilot.sure.more movie crap.for the most part the ships fly themselves.it’s like driving one of your auotmatic transmission cars.not too difficult,hence all the jack-asses can do it.same with the cruisers and fighters.so most everyone,the good guys and bad,fly like your people drive.which is to say like crap. want to hear about the wise old little ancient one? yeah,let’s set the record straight on that guy.he actually looks pretty much like the movies depicted him.wasn’t there a scene in one of the prequels where this what?-800 year old knight was fighting another knight in his mid-sixties and it was a stand-off? wouldn’t you think the extra 700 odd years of trainng would have allowed the little guy to kick the shit out of the 60 year old knight? well the truth was,he was a retard.his species live for near a thousand years,so the counsel thought that it might be wise to train one and see how the skills may develop in an individual over nearly 10 centuries.”Luke pauses to let out an ear splitting belch and then leans away from me to cut a juicy fart.he leans back and fans the warmth into my face.”whew,that’s ripe.yeah,so they train him and THEN find out he’s a retard.the whole race is.what a mess that was.the counsel just trained a retard to be a knight.it took a long time too-on account of his mental capabilities,to finish his training.the cousel is a bunch of beauocratic has-beens anyway.still,it was a running joke and their emabarrasmant for 800 years.like in the movies later knights,the last 200 years or so,would finish their apprenticeships under this guy.he didn’t really know much more than the other mercs,but he was too unreliable to put in the field,as he’d get distracted very easily,and the cousel was too embarrassed to just kill the guy.so,he was kinda grandfathered into the position as you might say and did the final lessons to a knight’s training.he really hated the students as most of them were taller than he and would usually end up hanging his clothes high up in a tree,he would use his powers to levitate them down and would activate a trip wire dumping his latrine bucket in his living quarters.it was a childish prank we all played on him and after 200 years he still never figured out how we did it.retard.one of the last classes finally had a hot shot pilot that landed a ship on him while he was distracted by some feathers another student had hung in a tree.well,what can you do?punish the students?they were basically done with training at that point and ready to be sold.kill or imprison them you lose profits.so,basically the whole ordeal was swept under the rug and the cousel was thankful the little retard knight was out of their hair.not really the stuff of heroic action flicks,is it?”

Luke seems to reflect on this as he brings his lowball glass to his lips.before it gets there it is knocked clumsily askew and the rest of his gin splashes on him and the bar.”hey,move over,pal.” a muscular t-shirt wearing bufoon grunts.”get out the way.”he further orders as he pushes between luke and i and vias for the bartenders attention.”sir,you spilled my drink.”Luke address the guy in a tone that chills my spine.the other is too full of himself to notice.”hey look pal,shut-up or i’ll spill your guts for ya.”and he points with a cocky,striving for menacing look, to his MMA button.he must be one of the locals that fights at the arena on weekend nights.wonder if he’s any good?wonder how he’d do against a knight? wonder if Luke will let him live?the girls with him look at luke and laugh.he’s barely half the size of the moron at the bar and seems like a quiet,frustated,middle-aged man more than anything else.unless you look a bit closer or better yet look into his eye.but,of course,the bimbos and the big,bad,man don’t do that.”you going to replace the drink you spilled my friend?’ Luke asks as the fighter makes the last mistake of his life.he turns to catch Luke in a sucker punch and Luke grabs his forearm and complets the spin for him as his hand goes from his belt to the man’s stomach and back faster than i can see.for a fraction of a second there was a green light cutting through the middle of the man.the energy blade already had done it’s work on the man’s lower intestines,bladder,and bowel before i fully comprehended what had happened.Luke immediately puts his hand over the wound as he guides the man to a chair to fall into.he sits him up and whispers in his ear as he removes his hand from his belly.”you’re dead.your bowel and bladder have been perforated and the wound is becoming septic as i speak.you are going into shock from hemorrage and will pass out dead.in the next life show some respect to your elders,boy.” he removes his hand and i see the wound and inside the man’s abdomen.there seems to be a clear bubble holding his insides in-the only thing preventing his guts from spilling out onto his lap.”bitches-out”Luke commands and the doe-eyed women turn and march to the exit,as he slaps each one,in turn,on the ass.

“i gotta go.”Luke takes out a wallet and i get a glimpse of half a dozen other world’s forms of money and credit.he finally selects an american hundred dollar bill and sets it on the bar.then he takes out another $100 and puts it in my hand.”You were a good sport kid.take this and get cleaned up.remember the brunette.if by chance we should ever meet again,look the other way.do not address me or make contact with me…your life depends on it.”as he finishes picking up his things and puts on his hat he turns to me a final time and that disgusting,throbbing scar seems to pulse in a relaxed,contented way in the bright light of the neon sign for the last time.”you were a good listener.” with that he slips away from me and is instantly lost in the small crowd that is making it’s way over to the corpse propped up in the corner table.i notice the bubble in it’s belly is now gone and it’s bowel has spilled out into it’s lap and is dripping onto the floor.i’m still confused and reeling from the execution i just witnessed.as i try to gather my sense and figure what to do next a word flashes in my mind like a don’t walk traffic signal.”move!” i obey instinctively and use the crowd to sneak off and out the backdoor.as i walk away from the bar,i don’t know where to,just away from that murder scene,the brunette slinks up beside me.”want some company,sugar?” she purs as she slips under my arm.6 hours,huh? alright then.”yeah,babe.let’s go to your place.”she flashes her bedroom eyes at me and we hail a cab.maybe things are more like the movies than Luke cares to admit.i think as we climb into the taxi.then the look of disgust on the cabbies face reminds me of my pants,and the mess therein and maybe a lesson Luke tried to teach me.no,it’s not like the movies.it’s dirty,humiliating,shocking,and real.it’s life.

an original work by dick butz

it’s my name

it’s what i do