In fact, I believe that they just stuff you in a metal tube, play plane footage where the ‘windows’ are and shake the tube around a little. Then, after a few hours of this, they let you out onto some part of land that has been dressed up a little to convince you that you’re in a different country, but really it’s all a badly done sham.

This could be because I’d spent a good deal of my life in Australia so I always expected some sort of movie montage to greet me. When I arrived in Italy no such thing happened, in fact it was kind of a let down. It wasn’t that Italy wasn’t a beautiful country because it certainly was, but it just didn’t feel different. Perhaps I should have stuck my iPod in my ears and played the theme to the Godfather and it would have felt genuine, but as it was I just felt cold.

The people might be different, the climate may have changed, but fundamentally everything was the same. Sure they spoke a language which was foreign and sounded more romantic than my own, but they had a McDonalds so to me it was just like home. When it gets down to it I think the world’s issues could be solved over a fatty burger and a thickshake – particularly famine.

France was the same, albeit prettier and with a lower standard in public toilets (I wonder if there’s a correlation with that?). I still didn’t feel like I had ever left Australia, just gone to somewhere with a pretty art gallery and a tall metal structure that people liked to climb.

So, some advice from a fellow traveller: When you go overseas, be sure to research the country you’re visiting and download movie soundtracks to listen to when your plane ‘lands’.