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Low Finance

You’ve heard of high finance? That was yesterday; today’s consumer needs to learn to live on less, much less. After all, you’ve lost your job, and your paycheck with it. You’re probably wondering about how to make food appear without money to buy it with. And wondering how to appease that bad old landlord when you tell him you just don’t have the rent.

And probably musing about how long the telephone company will continue to connect your calls without the bill being paid.

But, hey, it’s okay! We can do this. If you grew up hearing about how your grandparents coped with the Great Depression, you have a real head start. The good news is that with just some minor adjustments, you can maintain your present lifestyle. Or at least a reasonable facsimile thereof.

Okay, as for putting food on your table – you may not be aware that there are actually many sources of free food. Remember all those food drives you participated in when you were a kid, when your Mom had to fork over a can of peas for the donation box? Having some regrets about that now, wishing that you’d stowed away that can of peas? Well, all that unattractive food went to a place called a “Food Bank”. A Food Bank is like a free store for poor people – you can pick up some food and pay nothing! Of course, don’t expect to be able to shop like you would at a grocery store – the choices are limited to what was donated by grocery stores and individuals. But that isn’t necessarily bad, because much of the donations are really yummy! You’ll be astounded by the free bakery items; free pastries, cookies, doughnuts, breads, and birthday cakes. And remember how your grade school teacher admonished you to bring in “nonperishable items” for that food drive? That means no vegetables, of course – so that most food banks are limited by lack of refrigeration to canned foods, pasta, peanut butter, and whatever will not spoil too soon. Great, you think, my birthday is coming soon! And here’s another tip, some of the best deals from stores are found not in them but behind them. (Stay tuned for my nest installment: “Dumpster Diving for Beginners”)

Okay, now that your food anxieties have been appeased, lets move on to some other strategies which you probably have not considered in order to survive on this planet. First of all, you will need to change your attitude toward recyclables; you know – all those CRV cans and bottles which you’re probably used to tossing out without a whim. Stop!! Those cans and bottles are your new currency. Seriously, not only should you hoard each can and bottle like a miserly squirrel, you should immediately start making rounds in your neighborhood for discards. But before you do, here are a few basic rules: first, dress appropriately. Dress in loose, comfortable clothing, no heels, be prepared to get dirty, (your best finds may actually require you to climb in the dumpster). Second: a long stick or “grabber” may be helpful in order to spear cans and bottles out of reach. Third: Be discreet. This activity is generally frowned upon by society in general, (they may mistakenly assume you’re out to steal identities), and police arrest is actually a possibility. So, a furtive, watchful manner is advised.

This next section is somewhat sensitive. Nonetheless, it is time to move on to “WHY LIVING IN THE STREET OR CAR INSTEAD OF YOUR HOUSE MAY NOT BE SO BAD”. Don’t believe me? Think of the advantages, especially of the new family closeness. Previously, your family probably spent their evenings absorbed by televisions, computers, and telephones. You probably saw almost nothing of your teenagers, and never even knew what was going on in their lives. Now, with computers, cell phones, and televisions gone, think of the closeness that is possible. Imagine the great talks you can have with your kids, now that they spend their entire evenings in the back seat of the family car. One thing is for sure, you’ll never miss another sunset or sunrise with your kids. And every one is completely free of charge.

We realize that some people may still not like poverty, and we admit that there are some definite disadvantages. But please consider the renewed opportunity to get in touch with your senses, to feed your soul, and interact with your family members. And it’s all totally free of charge! This is a great opportunity to enjoy those things in life that cost nothing: friendship, family, fresh air. There’s a saying: “The best things in life are free”. Well, you know what? That saying is true!!