Why is it that some people, especially but not exclusively women, will wear almost anything that Madison Avenue tells them is “in fashion,” no matter how it looks ON their bodies. Here are some basic rules to live by when it comes to “fashion.”—no matter what the hip, hot or new fashion trend may be.

1. If you wear spandex pants in public, your tee shirt should cover your ass. Preferably, spandex should only be worn while at the gym. A cropped tee with leggings should only be worn if you have a “special corner” that you consider your own, and a pimp named…how do I know what pimps are named?
2. If you are over a size 10, spandex shouldn’t be in your vocabulary or on your body, except at the gym. You go girl! Work that body!
3. No matter what Paris Hilton or Brittany wears, it may actually not look good on most other human women. Accept this and buy a mirror. Then, use the mirror, when sober, to look at yourself in a new outfit before stepping outside.
4. Classic is always better than faddish. There’s a real difference between fad and fashion; Fad is of and for today and probably not tomorrow. Fashion is timely and chic but will withstand the test of time. (French women get this very clearly; they will buy ONE piece of designer clothing that will last for years rather than a closet full of cheap, fad stuff that will go bye-bye next season. That is why Parisian women are considered to be the most chic women in the world; they know how to dress well for their age and accessorize to make the most of it.I think they also own mirrors?)
5. I love designer “stuff.” But what’s up with paying $1500 and up for a handbag that you will see EVERYWHERE? I think the down payment for our first house was about the same cost as a bag I saw at a department store last week.
   Have we lost our minds? I do, however, want to hire the marketing agency that first made it hip to spend ridiculous amounts of money on a purse, and ask them to come and market me. What a coup!
6. I love a certain brand of sportswear, and I have several of their tracksuits in my closet; but I draw the line at writing things across my rump. There is just something not right about slapping JUICY across my 56-year-old ass. In fact, there is something sick and wrong about writing JUICY or PINK across anybody’s rear end. That’s just my opinion.
7. I must be getting too old to be hip, but I’ve thought all along that underwear is just that; made to be worn underneath clothes. When did bra straps hanging out of tank tops and thong underwear showing out the back of low-cut jeans become fashionable? I say we make wearing your underwear to show, illegal; not because it’s crude or unladylike, (that’s not my call!) but because it’s just UGLY!
8. I need to give the guys equal time. How can it possibly be “cool” to wear your jeans down around your thighs so that six or seven inches of your boxers show from the waist down? Are you serious? These sad individuals can hardly walk without the need to use one hand to hold up their drawers! I can’t help but laugh at them when I see one of these guys. I don’t have to worry about them coming after me; I could certainly outrun them as it would take real coordination to run while holding up their britches.
9. I love great sunglasses as much as anyone. Designer sunglasses can cost as much as $600+ !! Wow. That’s some serious bucks. OK, I’ll be honest; I love fashion sunglasses. Again, they should look good on you and should flatter your face. If they don’t, why spend a lot of money just to say I have these great Chanel sunglasses? I truly hope everyone loves this article because Mama needs a new pair of Chanels…
10. What’s up with the torn-up jean thing? I don’t care if you did spend $300 for the frayed blue guys; they still look silly. Call me ignorant, but if you’re going to wear jeans that are “destroyed,” your body better be GREAT! Why? Because only perfect bods can pull off the “so casual I didn’t bother to wear my good clothes,” look. The rest of us need to wear jeans without holes in public.
11. And finally; I am SOOOO glad that pants that hang so low below a girl’s hips that a waxing may be necessary is nearly OVER. Nobody looks good in these low-cut jeans except the woman that has NO body fat whatsoever. And, let it be said that those young women should WEAR THEM PROUDLY.

The rest of the female population need to stop tugging up the jeans every two minutes and realize they just don’t work! My trainer looks great in them so, she should feel good about wearing them; but she is a trainer who surfs in her spare time! For most women, either the back flab and belly fat hangs over the top of the jeans, or, they fall down if you have no hips and are really skinny. Everyone else is either uncomfortable or you look like crap in these! Again, buy a mirror and use it!