First off: the costume – is it really necessary? Are they trying to protect their reputation? I mean seriously, either commit to a life of evil or don’t. It also makes you stand out a whole lot more – if a guy in makeup and a cape comes at you, you’re going to be prepared for something funky, but a chubby middle aged guy in a vest? Superman would never see it coming. Also, those outfits hardly look comfortable. I’ll admit that Jim Carrey as the Riddler had a good idea: everyone is so busy looking at his skin tight costume thinking “woah, look at his crotch”, that he could probably just bonk you over the head with something heavy while you’re distracted. But seriously – “I’m going to engage in a war with the white hats of Gotham city and associate with some of the city’s most dangerous criminals, so instead of say, a suit of armour, I’m going to protect myself with a thin layer of nylon! Ha ha, you genius, you!”

Secondly, the monologues and the puns. Keep your head in the game, guys! Nobody cares about your reasons for doing anything or how bad-ass you are, just sneak up behind them and >>bam!<< plus, you’ve got to be a little distracted if you’re constantly trying to some up with new jokes about your gimmick or whatever – like Mr Freeze is always telling people that they’re cool and that its ice to meet you, but has he ever actually thought about a battle strategy? He’s always like [German accent] “winter is coming early to Gotham…aah, a giant magnet, where did that come from? Noooooo!”

Thirdly, the ridiculous contraptions – is it seriously too hard to use a gun? People are running around with swords and pumpkin shaped bombs which are inefficient for one and easily traceable. I mean, if they find a dead body with a question mark drawn on them, the police are going to be gunning for the Riddler. But if a guy gets shot with a .45 in a bad part of town, you can bet there won’t be any “that’s his calling card, get him!” going on, just a lot of head scratching.

Now I can appreciate the beauty of an overly elaborate deathtrap as much as anyone else, but the point remains: are these criminals actually interested in getting the job done? There are so many ways to take superheroes out during the day when they’re regular Joes. I mean, you could just bribe all the cafeteria employees at Peter Parker’s university to slip him some rohypnol or a horse tranquiliser or something and you could have spider-man hanging upside down from the Empire State building by the next morning, thoroughly defeated. Or you know, dead.

Yeah, yeah, it’s cheap but come on, they’re super villains! They already have no morals, why can’t they act like it? Honor amongst thieves? I don’t think so…

So get off your super powered, evil fannies and go get the job done properly!