For all of the migrant sons of worldly evil and mindless genocide; I bid you adieu. We are the last frontier soldiers for the destruction of mass-murder. We are the missionaries that, in our beds, project peace to the men who kill for dirt and lollipops. We hold the following truths to be self evident:

One: Genocide is bad.

Two: Anyone caught committing acts of genocide will be asked to stop, if they do not comply, they will be asked again. If, after ignoring the first two requests they do not cease their war crimes, a tribunal will be set up to further investigate the pros and cons of the human garbage day, and will therefore render a verdict as to whether or not a sterner warning should be issued.

Three: Peach cobbler is the tool of evil men.

Four A: No man is worth more than another
Four B: All men are, in essence, worthless.

Five: No one may judge the past by means of information received in the future, with the only exception being if the judgment is positive.

Six: Genocide is a dish best served lukewarm.
Six and a half: Homicide by herbicide is genocide, and we shall therefore criticize and homogenize.

It is with these six and a half weapons that we will wage our war and destroy the wanton need for destruction. Let our truths be our swords and our swords be our letter openers of peace. How can you fight a war with a sword when your enemies have guns? We will protect lemonade stands everywhere and we will arm ourselves with defiant T-shirts and online petitions! Let our optimism be our umbrella and let it protect us from the bloody showers! So amass, brothers and sisters, and we will take to the streets to stop those men with our hymn of Kumbaya and effigies of burning men.

May we sing loud as sour voices carry over the ocean, and may mother Africa weep for her children that she has lost to car accidents and electrocution. Above all, may our collective sense of unearned pride be sustained so we live on the raised soap box of our profound ignorance!