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What Not to Do When You’re in Prison: Especially, Don’t “Spector”
Alright so you’ve stolen a few things and written a few bad checks – that’s really no reason for society to throw you in prison for a couple years, is it? Well, they did, so you don’t want to make matters worse than they are. You are only in for two years – much less if you’re paroled for good behavior. You really don’t want to make a fatal error while you’re serving time.
I have decided to try and help you stay alive during this most challenging time of your life.
Don’t start a new gang. There are no members in your gang but you and anyone who would join a brand new gang is on the outs with the other gangs who will now all gang up on you.
Don’t go over to a guard and point at another inmate and say “He hit me.” This isn’t kindergarten.
Image via Wikipedia
Don’t offer to be a line dancer in the “Federal Follies.”
Don’t hang a poster in your cell of Roseanne or Ellen DeGeneres or Boy George.
Don’t offer a guard a cigarette.
When another inmate asks you what you are in for don’t say petty theft and writing a bad check.
Don’t do exercises in your cell to the music “Born Free.”
If the prison shows a movie don’t cry at the sad parts unless “Big Buck” cries then by all means don’t let him feel alone.
Anytime a group of inmates are walking across “the yard” go the other way.
Don’t cut in the chow line. Don’t ask for seconds. If Big Buck says the food sucks and won’t eat it, don’t you eat it.
Don’t give inmates your home address to “meet up on the outside.”
Do we have any illustrations we can learn from?
As a matter of fact we do.
Phil Spector the recording icon was an amazing force in the music of the 1960s because he developed a style called the “Wall of Sound.” However Phil Spector is a “sickie.”
Spector had a habit of making starlets play Russian roulette. Finally one blew her brains out and now Spector is doing 19 years.
Spector is insane but he is also the most moronic person I have ever read about.
Spector wrote a musician friend of his that he wanted a transfer because all the inmates were creeps and he said many other derogatory things about them. His “friend” published the letter. Does he think inmates don’t have access to newspapers and does he not understand that their families will tell them anything they don’t read? Spector won’t leave his cell. In that respect he is wise.
Anyway, don’t you be stupid like Spector. Walk circumspectly so you can do your 15 months and then get a job bagging groceries.
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