Everyone talks about THEY But nobody ever explains who THEY are. Who are these mysterious people who tell us what to do, when to do it, how and why? What makes them the experts anyway? THEY tell us not to get too much sun because it will cause skin cancer. Then, THEY tell us to get our daily requirements of Vitamin D for good health, and Vitamin D comes from exposure to the sun.

THEY tell us to take fewer vitamins because our food contains vitamins anyway. Then, THEY tell us to take the vitamins because the food we eat is vitamin depleted. THEY tell us eggs are bad
for us because they contain too much cholesterol, but then THEY tell us eggs don’t cause higher cholesterol after all. Go ahead and eat as many as you want.

THEY tell you, “don’t drink and drive”, then THEY start promoting a brand of beer. THEY scream, “Global warming!!” But you can’t hear them because THEY are driving around in Hummers, and tossing Styrofoam containers out their windows at 65 miles per hour. THEY preach to us to stop using drugs, but then THEY make huge fortunes selling expensive and dangerous drugs to pharmacists around the globe.

THEY tell you that smoking is bad for you, but when you’re not looking, THEY go light one up. THEY want you to do everything THEY say, but then THEY stop speaking to you. THEY tell you to stop spending so much time on-line, and more time with your family. Then, THEY give you their web address for more information.

I have a bone to pick with whoever THEY are. I want them to come over to my house, and do some actual work for a change. THEY can clean the bathroom, and mop the floors. THEY can wash all the windows, inside and out, then wash the dirty laundry. THEY can mow the lawn in the summer, and rake it in the fall. THEY can plow the driveway every winter.

THEY would just love it here, I’m sure. THEY would have so much to do, THEY would be unable to tell the rest of the world what to do. Then, I would invite the rest of the world to come in and tell them what to do for a while, just long enough to give everyone a little satisfaction. Most of all, I want to know who THEY are.

I also want to know where THEY are hiding, so I can come and visit and see just how THEY live. I’ll tell them how to clean house, and vacuum rugs. THEY would be so sick of me, THEY would pass out from joy the moment I left. Those are my plans for THEY, whoever THEY may be.