Side effects may include…
Directions: Take two pills every four hours to relieve headaches.
Side Effects May Include: Headaches; Heartburn; Nausea; Indigestion; Diarrhea, wait, make that Explosive Diarrhea; Fits of Coughing; Fits of Epilepsy; Just Plain Ol’ Fits; Shrinking Head; Vertigo; Chronic Depression; Chronic Insomnia; Chronic Masturbation; Suddenly Feeling REALLY Tall; Fear of The Color Orange; Uncontrollable Urge To Bake; Extremely High Levels of Arousal, Like High Enough To Start Humping Furniture; Micropenis; Macropenis; Microvagina; Permaboner, Accompanied With Random Erectile Dysfunction; Sudden Gender Change; Bubonic Plague; Spontaneous Combustion; Exploding Toenail Syndrome; Extremely High Levels of Magnetism, do not be alarmed if objects such paper clips, cans, and toasters begin to stick to you; Suddenly Speaking In a French Accent, Delusions That You Are Donald Duck; May Cause Blindness In Catholics; Stigmata; Speaking Sanskrit; Sensations of Levitation.
In many case studies, 9 out 10 patients experienced total baldness within 15 seconds. Also, that 10th guy turned into a lemur.
WARNING: Do not operate heavy machinery while on this, in fact, any machinery. Anything more complicated than a toaster is dangerous.
WARNING: If you start to hear the voice of Blith Nü The Sun God, begin to eat a diet of Catfish (boiled), Cabbage (deep fried), and rice (grilled). UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCES EAT HAGGIS.
WARNING: Do not be within 500 feet of a running microwave oven or you will be very dead, very fast.
If you suddenly feel a sense of impending doom, along with hearing a continuing ticking sound, double the dosage.