1. Every time the lift dings, yell “Ding!” as a kind of echo. It works. Trust me.

2. Call out “Welcome Aboard!” to any new lift-user. Very funny. And witty.

3. If your in a crowded lift, here is a way to annoy people; pretend to be reading a magazine or newspaper. Then, blow a large raspberry from behind it – everyone will think you’ve farted. For the piece-de-resistance, wave your hand around near your behind and say “Sorry, I ate a lot of sprouts last night”.

4. Set your mobile ringtone to something like “Barbie Girl” or “Crazy Frog”, then arrange for a friend to ring you on your mobile when your on the lift. Get them to ring you about three times for this to work effectively. This works best when your on a long lift journey.

5. Show random people photographs of your family, going “Isn’t he cute!” and “Look, look, that’s my little girl!” etc. Very annoying.

6. Announce to the whole lift what you had for breakfast and/or lunch, and what your going to have for tea. Say it quite a few times, a little louder each time, as if you think they didn’t get the message the first time.

7. Hum a tune in a really high pitch for as long as you can. Then, stop for a minute or two before starting again, carrying on for longer each time. “Crazy Frog” or “Barbie Girl” works best for this.

8. Hum a tune in your head. Do not hum aloud. Instead, shake and bob your head around as if you are actually listening to music. Perfect for annoying people, because sooner or later someone will ask you what you are doing.

9. As in number 3, pretend to be reading a newspaper/magazine. Then, from behind it, make a miaowing/mooing/squawking noise – which ever you think will annoy people the most. Wait about 10-15 seconds, then do it again. Keep this up for about a minute, lomger if you’re feeling brave.

10. Finally, as you leave the lift for your floor, call out “Have a nice day!” in a really cheesy American accent (if you are already American, just make your accent cheesy!). It really annoys people after a while. You can also do this whenever someone else leaves the lift, just for “something to do”.