Three easy steps to say no:

I have a hard time saying no when people ask me to do something.  According to Merriam-Webster.com, no means:  not so —used to express negation, dissent, denial, or refusal .  Sounds easier said than done.

I can’t say no to teachers.  Why is it that I revert immediately back to a child when confronted by a teacher?  My son’s second grade teacher asked me to create games for their fall festival.  Immediately I had to raise my hand to ask a question.  Raise me hand?  I’m probably a good 20 years older than her, why am I raising my hand?  Because she’s a teacher.  Rather than just telling her that I’ve already committed to lugging a moonbounce to my son’s preschool, baking a birthday cake for our goldfish AND mowing the backyard after two straight weeks of rain, I hear myself, “How many games?”  I can’t explain the horrific guilt I felt when I pulled in the carpool line and my son was the last person standing there WITH the principle!  She capitalized on this by getting me to run the Book Fair!

If teachers were hard enough, priests are even worse to say no to.  They have this uncanny ability to look out into the pews at service and immediately pick out who they can tap for the next big project.  “Hmmm, need volunteers for the entire summer to dig trenches?  Let’s see…oh, great Kelly Melang is sitting in the back hiding behind a pillar, perfect.”  I try to make it out of service and feel this tap on my shoulder.  I think this is why our priest standing at the back of church shaking hands of everyone leaving, it allows him to hold on and get you to volunteer.  I can’t say no because I picture St. Peter there at the golden gates highlighting my name on his list, “Hmm Melang didn’t want to clean out the bird poo from the rafters of the church, one black mark.”

Then there’s the dreaded brownie/cub scout showing up at your door with the $50 box of popcorn.  I’ve found myself hiding in the house with all the lights off sucking my thumb hoping that I don’t have to mortgage the house for wrapping paper and popcorn.  Or they catch me and I’m wondering why I’ve gained 2 inches on my thighs from the 16 boxes of cookies I consumed.

I am weak, no is a hard word for me to say.  I’ve been employing a new strategy to not over commit myself by using these three steps:

If someone asks me to volunteer, chair, work, watch someone (insert commitment here) here’s how I say no:

“Kelly, can you make 300 cupcakes with all the colors of rainbow and letters of the alphabet on them for the school?”  Here I have a choice, normally I’ll just say yes then spend the next few days complaining as my fingers turn blue from food coloring and my boys go into a sugar coma from licking bowls.  Now I say, “I’m sorry, I can’t really commit to that at this time.”  This is translated into, “I’m trying to say something to get away from you then I’ll hide until the function is over…”  With my luck, they find me hiding in the bathroom stall and next thing I know, I’m in the kitchen.

My second tactial way to say no is, “I’m sorry I can’t do whatever but I can do……”  For example, I’m shaking our rector’s hand and he asks, “Kelly we really need someone to work the diaper changing room this morning.”  Hmmmm, my children are out of diapers and in case no one knows, other children’s poop really does stink.  Now I say, “I can’t do this because I’ll throw up, but I can help push the crying babies up and down the hallway.”   Translation:  Having two small boys means I lost my hearing a long time ago, so pushing crying babies sounds a lot easier to me.

“Kelly, can you commit the next 9 months of your life to running all the fundraising for (insert program here).”  I’ve already committed 9 months of my life twice and believe me I remember the last two months as not much fun.  Rather than saying No, I say, “Let me think about it and get back to you.”  This gives me a chance to think and let everyone tell me that I am crazy for even considering this.  With that chance to breathe, you realize that 9 months is a really long time and just like birth control, you have to say no.  Maybe you’ll get lucky and someone else will step up before you have to make a decision.

How do I limit my schedule when most Moms schedules are jam packed?  I don’t commit to anything unless asked, that way people are coming to me when they really need someone.  We all know those few that setup everything, those completely coordinated, organized, got it together Moms that run the PTA as school.  HIDE FROM THEM!  Whenever they see you, there’s some type of request, even if it’s just licking 600 envelopes for the parish mailing.  I bet you, they are sitting home with eating bon bons- they’ve delegated everything out!