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Top 10 Ways to Get Kicked Out of Fare-Way
For just a little fun. Please, don’t actually do any of these.
- Fill up, and leave. Take a shopping cart and cruise around the store. Place one item from every aisle in the cart. Repeat until cart is full to the brim. Then make your way to the cash registers. You’re getting ready to check out. Stand in line, waiting to check out. Finally when it’s your turn to check out, careen the cart up to the register, but instead of checking out, simply slip past the cart, and leave the store nonchalantly, leaving the groceries to be re-shelved by someone else.
- Multi-shop. When you enter the store, take a shopping cart. Cruise around the store, filling it up. When there are at least 10 items in the cart abandon it, and return to the cart corral to pick up another cart. Begin filling it up then randomly leave it. Repeat this process until the management notices and asks you to leave.
- Create Fizzy Cola. Find the soda pop aisle. Then, begin with the bottles, and deliberately shake the living daylights out of them. Continue with the six packs, the twelve packs, and, if you make it that far, the twenty-four packs. Good Luck.
- Sample. The one thing Fare-way NEVER has is samples. But that doesn’t mean they can’t start. Peruse through the produce section. Take an apple and take a big, juicy bite out of it. Next, you can either finish the fruit off, or (even more delightful) you can make a disgusted faces, and return the fruit to the place you got it. Continue sampling the fruit until management comes and asks you to leave.
- Re-shelve the Ice Cream. With a cart (as to avoid suspicion) make your way to the ice cream freezer. Grab a few cartons (cartons, not gallon tubs) of the icy sweetness. Then place the containers in various places around the store. In no time they’ll begin to melt, and when they do they’ll leave sticky puddles everywhere.
- Save the Dolphins. Take a packet of sticky notes and sharpie marker, and on all the cans of tuna leave a little note that says, “This brand is not dolphin friendly. Do not buy.”
- Create the Land Flowing with Milk and…Milk. Take a knife and puncture all of the milk containers. It will be like the land flowing with milk and honey…with out the honey.
- Go on a Fruit Snack Binge. Go to the fruit snack section. Tear open all of the boxes, ripping open the tiny individual wrapper, but only eat the red and blue ones. Don’t pay for anything.
- Play Dominoes. Go to the farthest aisle. Lean against the shelf, and gently push it over, creating the domino effect.
- Sing the Hyvee Jingle. Enough said
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