The weary internet reader stares at the ceiling and rubs his eyes. Sure, monitors are a cause of eyestrain, he thought, but so are those top ten lists. They’re everywhere! After taking a few eyedrops, he ponders for a while and then decides to fight top ten lists with top ten lists.

1. Top ten rock bands

Although incredibly selective, these lists seem to be guaranteed to include Metallica or your money back. Am I the only one that isn’t into them?

2. Top ten movies of ____ (fill in year here)

These lists are made every year, but they’re even more repetitive than the rock band ones. How many movies did YOU watch this year, Mr. List Writer? Eleven? It doesn’t take a list to discover that Speed Racer wasn’t an instant classic

Image via Wikipedia

I’m truly sorry, red car thing from the future.

3. Top ten green tips

Green? What’s with the green stuff? I demand color equality! When will we EVER see a top ten Yellow tips? Eh?

4. Top ten worst actors of ____ (year)

These guys have big egos, quickly deflating them could lead to earthquakes and massive deforrestation.

5. Top ten websites to waste time on

To be honest, I have never had a problem wasting time. Maybe I’m just gifted.

6. Top ten best actors of ____ (year)

See number 4. I’m thinking of starting a counsel for responsible ego inflation.

7. Top ten dumb moments of ____ (year)

Do we really want to relive Janet Jackson’s boob-bobble? Does hearing Bush’s blunders restore any lost faith in our country?

8. Top ten richest people
C’mon, this one doesn’t even have suspense. It’s usually populated with someone named “Bill”. (Although not anymore. It’s Carlos Slim last time I checked).

9. Top ten American Idol moments
Do I need to be reminded that this show exists? This show is training for more telemarketers than anything else. Pick up phone, call random number, get rewarded. It’s a bad formula to teach people.

10. Top ten top ten top ten lists I am sick of
There aren’t even ten lists like this that exist, to my knowledge. But if there are, please don’t compile them into another one. You know you can’t hate ME!