Thailand’s a great place to holiday if you don’t mind feeling like you’re permanently in a sauna, the heat can be oppressive, without air con or fans you might quickly wilt away.

I like to head for the coast when I go there, you need a special type of stamina that I no longer possess to cope with the rigours of Bangkok’s traffic problems and hectic pace of living. Where I go now was once a sleepy fishing village, but this former tropical paradise is turning into another tropical hellhole; I continue to go there because it’s ‘cheap’ compared to the west, though they are rapidly catching up, in another few years I’ll have no choice other than to stay in murky old England.

Next door to where I was staying this year a new family run hotel/restaurant had opened up; I spent a lot of time in my room during the day and early evening to avoid the intense sunlight, I used to spend aboiut 30 to 60 minutes at most each day outdoors, I don’t want skin cancer. I got into the habit of dining there most nights because the food was affordable and the ambience was pleasant. I made the aquaintence of an American guy who was guesting there and who claimed to be interested in writing (he might have been a fantasist because he claimed a few other things as well.)

Two nights before I was due to leave, a few of us were sat round a table near the wide front entrance of the hotel, it was about 11 pm. Suddenly my American friend was alerted to something in front of the entrance, I heard a loud shrill ‘trumpet-like’ blast and he said, ‘Wait there while I go get some money,’ I didn’t get up to look at what was on the other side of the pillar in front of me. He came back with his digital camera and some money which he gave to the unseen attraction outside. There was then a lot of flashing of cameras as the lady who runs the hotel got involved as well. Finally I got up to have a look and I was astonished to see an elephant (not fully grown thank God) at the entrance with its guide. What struck me as unusual about this potential lethal weapon was that it was grey and not dark brown like the other elephants I’ve seen in Thailand. The American had his picture taken standing next to it, he showed it to me, he said he would email it on to me but he hasn’t… the fantasist.

My only immediate worry was that the elephant might have panicked after one flash too many and come crashing into the restaurant looking for leftovers, they’re supposed to take a lot of feeding; it would have been like a two ton missile coming at us, and if it had knocked the pillar down the roof might have caved in…..