I am unemployed, live in a new city and like a lot of males in their mid-late 20s worry I will never have Erectile Dysfunction. I don’t know what I want to do next, but I do know that I want it to eventually lead to ED.

Scientifically speaking, I do not know exactly what causes ED but it has to be a mixture of being content and awesomeness. As I have learned from TV, the guys who are lucky enough to have ED live in multi-million dollar homes, comb their full heads of hair, have lots of sex with their smoke shows wives and throw footballs through moving/spinning tires from 25 yards in their early-mid 50s. So, as I search for my next job, I have to ask myself “will this job lead to me having ED?” If the answer is no, I can rule out taking (or even applying for) the position.

“Be careful what you wish for” some of you are thinking, but I am aware that the side effects of ED drugs are headaches, nasal congestion, unexplained rashes and the inability to discern the difference between green and blue. I would welcome these side effects to have a wife who spends her day doing aerobics, Pilates, not getting a Mom haircut and trying to seduce me. In fact give me the side effects, if means I am at a point I can spend my day at my country house fixing things I currently have no idea how to fix or taking a bath outside.

At night when I lay in bed and imagine the day when someone approaches me at a tailgate, block party or festival in a foreign land and says, “excuse me sir, judging by your dashing physical appearance, nice clothes, really attractive wife and the air of success that permeates you. . . you must have ED. Would you mind appearing in a Levitra/Cialis/Viagra commercial?” I will of course look at my wife, smile and fire a football through a spinning tire.