1. Skip: No, I’m not talking about skipping out on your job. I’m talking about skipping, instead of walking, everywhere you go. Sure, at first you’ll get some weird looks, but eventually you’ll start putting everyone else at your work in a good mood. Who knows? Maybe your co-workers will even take up skipping themselves.
2. Report your bathroom trips: To everyone. Loudly. You can do this one individually or as a group, meaning you can go around to each cubicle and tell each worker personally that you are getting ready to go to the bathroom or you can make a big, loud announcement to the whole office that you’re going to the bathroom. For added bonus points, drop by the office of your boss and let him know each time you are going to the bathroom. He’ll love you for it. And don’t forget to tell everyone what you plan to do when you get to the bathroom, though don’t get too graphic about it because that’s just gross. “Got to do a Number Two, boss man!”
3. Mix up your fellow workers’ names: This one is always popular, even if you aren’t at a party. You know George at the desk next to you? Call him Ted for the rest of the day. And Maria in accounting? Call her on the phone and keep referring to her as Rebecca. This will make you one of the most popular people in your office. And when someone corrects you, just say, “Sorry, I’ll never do it again.” Then do it again. Several times. For extra fun, call the guys by girl names.
4. Clean out your desk: And put everything in a box on top of your desk to one side. Everyone will think you’re being fired or quitting. Maybe even your boss. Your fellow workers will start to get nervous. Some of them might even stop by your desk to say they’re sorry. Others at your job will drop by to ask you what’s going on. Just raise your eyebrows suspiciously and say something like, “Sorry, but you’ll find out at the end of the day.”
5. Pink slips: If your office happens to have individual mail boxes for each employee, insert into each individual mailbox an envelope with one of those plastic windows so you can see what’s inside the envelope. Make sure the envelopes are sealed and contain a small, pink sheet of paper, but make sure any message on the paper can’t be seen in the envelope window. A simple note like “Have a nice day!” or “Just wanted to bring a smile to the office!” should more than accomplish the mission. Everyone will smile and love you.
6. Wear a holster: But absolutely make sure there’s no gun in it. You can go for the traditional holster on your belt, or you can try for the stylish look and sling on a shoulder holster. This one will make you very popular. Of course people will stare. But they’ll also talk about you behind your back, and that’s the road to popularity. Don’t worry about your boss. When he or she calls in security, just laugh in the most maniacal manner you can. Then go quiet and give the security guards a stern, Clint Eastwood look and take off the holster. Afterward, everyone will laugh about it.
7. Bring coasters to work: You know, the kind for placing beneath drinks. Pass out one coaster to each worker, preferably by placing it on their desk in front of them while they’re seated there, and remind them to use the coasters all the time. You’re trying to save wear on company furniture, after all. Your co-workers will appreciate your thoughtfulness and your boss will probably recommend you for a promotion.
8. Keep track of minor office supplies: Pretend there’s a shortage of paper clips or staples or pencils. Make a big, colorful chart and place it at the front of the office or on a board for everyone to see. One the chart place the names of each of your co-workers and next to their names put the number of paper clips they have in their desk. A dry erase board would work best for this because you want to ask each worker to use the board to keep track of their paper clips (or whatever office supply you decide to use). This one will score points with the boss.
9. Invite your co-workers to a party or out to drinks: At a local bar or restaurant. To make sure as many people as possible show up, tell everyone you just got a big insurance settlement for a car crash from several months back and you’re wanting to celebrate by paying for everyone’s drinks and foods. Make a big deal about this party. Print up flyers and distribute them. Remind people every day for a week beforehand. But, of course, you don’t show up.
10. Glitter: Go to Walmart and buy up bags and bags and bags of colored glitter. Then at night sneak into the office and fill everyone’s top desk drawer with glitter. This is another one that will bring a sparkle to the eyes and a pep in the step of your fellow workers.

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