Unless they strike it rich like J. K. Rowling or Tom Clancy, (when this guy masturbates he thinks of an M1A1/2 Abrams Battle Tank), writers can often find themselves strapped for cash. So here’s a guaranteed money spinning idea. Open up a men’s barbershop and employ naked women to cut the hair. Take my word for it, in a few short hours the place will be packed solid. Bald men will be peering in through the window to see what they’re missing. They’ll be like schoolboys outside a sweet shop.

To maximize your earnings you could include a wig hire service. That way, those unfortunates suffering from alopecia or a thinning dome will not feel prejudiced. When I suggested this idea to my wife, she was horrified. “You’d have the shop full of dirty old men!’ she cried. Precisely! As far as I’m concerned, their money’s as good as anyone else’s.

Of course, there’d be a Health & Safety issue, (I nearly wrote Health & Efficiency, but that’s where you’d get your staff from.) The customer’s head would be in close proximity to the woman’s body and she could easily poke his eyes out with her nipples. So each customer would be issued with safety goggles, for a small extra charge, of course.

Now just imagine a chain of these shops worldwide. You’d make billions! And you’d be producing a lot of well-groomed men into the bargain. Of course, you could extend the idea to include women’s salons. Here, well endowed athletic young studs with rippling biceps, could do the cutting. Again, one must take account of health and safety. Unlike the nipple which is small and relatively soft, here one would be dealing with something that could do a lot more damage!