Boss Speak: Five Top Tips to Put a Stop to Nonsensical Office Jargon

If working in an office, with a bunch of people with whom the only thing you share in common is being of the same species, witnessing all the political games, listening to the endless backstabbing and inevitable childish arguing isn’t depressing enough, the prevalent and annoying use of nonsensical office jargon may just tip you over the edge.

For the following article, Boss speak will be referred to as B S – and rightly so.

It needs to be stamped out, any one speaking B S needs to be shown that they cannot get away with it.

Here are some examples of what you can do when faced with B S

B S 1

If your hear “Can you cascade this memo around the office”

Firstly recognise it as B S.

If they said “hand this memo out around the office” or “email it to all office employees”, this would make sense – but they talk tripe because they think that “cascade” sounds hip and intelligent.

TIP

Take the literal translation of the BS.

Print the memos and rip them into tiny shreds.

Stand on your each of your colleagues desks in turn and cascade the shreds of memo onto their head and desk.

B S 2

If your hear someone saying” I need to kept in the loop”

People who say this are often those who do little actual work and therefore need others to let them know what is happening.

TIP

Tell them to keep their neck still while you fetch some telephone wire or rope.

If you have those items to hand, lasso the B S perpetrator and tether them tightly, by the neck, to the nearest immovable object.

B S 3

If your boss tells you that “you need to hit the ground running on this project”

Any project that needs such a fast approach could mean trouble!

This phrase is often used when someone else has started a project, screwed it up and wants to offload it quickly, before any blame is laid at their door.

But they would never dream of saying this to you, so they resort to B S.

TIP

Take your bosses word as gospel and proceed to canter around the office, intermittently bending down and hitting the floor with your hand.

Yes you will be perceived as insane but you need to ensure that all who witness your out-burst are informed that you were simply following a direct order from your superior.