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Fifteen Top Tips to Get That Promotion at Work
If you are new to office work and want to get promotion quickly, then why not follow these fifteen tips? Quick to put in to effect, the results of their implementation will occur much quicker than you imagine - guaranteed!
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WTF? Stamp
When you receive some instructions from your boss and you dutifully carry them out, it is important they are made aware that the task is finished or that you are ready to progress it further. This handy stamp - with the universally recognized WTF motif (which stands for “Want This Followed UP?” for you newbies out there) is an essential tool for getting on in the busy office of today. This is a great way to show your willingness to work independently and your keenness to learn.
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Elastic Band Call-Holder
When your boss has all those calls coming in and not enough time to take them, simply remove lifting up the receiver as an option. It takes so long to remove the rubber bands that by the time they have the phone will have stopped ringing. This is a great time saver and your boss will no doubt thank you profusely for thinking up this ingenious time saving strategy. That Saturday at the Golf Club will soon be beckoning!
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A “That Was Easy” Buzzer
You need to get ahead in the thrusting office environment of today and a lot of your colleagues will want to steal your thunder. Here is one solution to show your superiors that you are more than up to the tasks at hand. This buzzer must be pressed within seconds of receiving a task - and done so at every possible opportunity thereafter. You will find it will get a response - and no doubt Human Resources will soon want to talk to you about your fantastic future at the company!
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A Primate Intern
Infinitely more reliable and resourceful than their homo sapiens counterparts, a primate intern will immediately heighten your popularity around the office. It is also an indicator of your concern for animal welfare, plus they work for nothing. This idea will probably be adopted on a global scale as rain forests continue to diminish in size, so be the first in your organization to take responsibility for these hairy refugees. Save the planet and make a profit! Yay!
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A Reminder to Colleagues to Keep It Real
You have heard of the Bull and Bear market, no doubt. Well, there is an old Spanish saying - “When the bull sits on the hot stone, it is time for silence”. This well known phrase is easily translated in to an image - and a picture, as you know, tells a thousand words. This easy to produce poster will encourage your colleagues to discuss work issues with you and they will admire and respect you for your openness to new thoughts and ideas.
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A Living Paperweight
You know that your boss is not very well organized and you are sometimes not around to help them out. So, why a feline paperweight? Simple. There is a one hundred percent guarantee that they will be sitting on the paperwork that your manager most needs at any particular point in time. Whatever they urgently need, they will be able to locate it by looking where your feline paperweight has deposited itself and you are one hundred percent certain to find what you want underneath. Eh voila! They will never forget this useful and decorative gift for their office.
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A Voodoo Doll
Sometimes adult human interaction simply ceases to work. In that case, it is considered quite right and proper in most modern offices to resort to the voodoo technique of getting what you want at work. All you need is a crude approximation of your colleague and a few pins. If you can’t find any pins, pencils, pens or tacs will do. Can be a useful gift for your boss, who will always need an extra one of these, if you are looking for a way to get noticed and - who knows - promoted.
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An Over-Abundance of Post-Its
You can never have too many hats, shoes and gloves - or at least that is what my mother tells me. The same can be said for the loyal and trusted post-it note. Always, always, over order post-it notes, they are indispensable, whether you are either simply obsessed with square shapes (as many men are) or simply reminding your colleagues of the Save the Rainforest function you are organizing - with the help of the ever useful Primate Intern. The usual order of post-its for an office is around the five hundred thousand pack mark for a month. Go ahead; show that you can take those important stationary ordering decisions without continual reference to your superiors!
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All Mod Cons
There are times when you simply don’t have the time. So, employer willing (and believe me, they will love your time saving ideas), why not install a few cubicles with all mod cons for those co-workers of yours who simply will not leave their desk. Don’t put this brilliant idea in to the suggestion box - take it straight to the top! They will admire your get up and go.
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Proper Labels
Sometimes, colleagues need a little assistance with their work techniques. It is always a good idea to totally reorganize their desks while they are out at lunch. They will thank you profusely for implementing these time saving methods, particularly if they are your immediate superior. If you are looking for the fast track to Senior Management Level, this is one strategy to consider.
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Greenery
It is a proven fact that people work better in an environment that has some greenery. As well as brightening the place up, plants release much needed oxygen in workplaces that can often be stuffy and very dull. A few well placed cress seeds on your colleagues’ keyboards may just give them the extra 02 they need to clear their heads and get that all important business proposal finished. They will respect your commitment to a greener office and this strategy will see an increase in productivity, without a doubt.
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Complete Protection Against Alien Mind Readers
As you know, aliens are everywhere and they have infiltrated all corners of our lives. The truth may be out there but it is vital that you protect your company’s corporate secrets. Suggest that each cubicle is fitted with protection against alien mind readers and promotion will not be far away.
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Balloons
Your manager is only human. Work will sometimes get on top of them. What better way to cheer them up than with a few balloons. Or go the whole hog and completely fill their office with balloons. They are tax deductible after all. Even better, if you have the time, fill the balloons up with water, for that added extra frisson. Your manager will appreciate the time you have taken to show them that you are thinking of them. If you do this just before the time the annual pay rises are announced, this one is bound to have unexpected results for you!
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A Moai
Sometimes people at work need space and time to think - a kind of at work form of meditation. During your lunch time, why not make a moai out of old cardboard boxes you will find in the store room (you know, the place where your colleagues insist you spend a lot of your time because it is so cozy and right at the heart of the action). With one of these Easter Island giants looming over them, creative problem solving will come so much easier for them.
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A Peace-Keeping Strategy for Happy Hours Gone Wrong
After a long and tiring day at work, many office workers go out for a drink - or fifteen - to celebrate, commiserate or just for the hell of it. As, by now, the most popular person in the office because of your brilliant and inventive new working strategies, some recreational tips are also needed. Guaranteed, you will be respected even more if you intervene in the occasional spat that is bound to occur when tiredness and alcohol are concerned. This neat convertible handbag should do the trick.
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8 Comments
Soo funny! I want to try the WTF stamp.
Very funny and original.
ha ha. very funny, I hate dial up though, only half the pictures ever load for me.
Very funny, for me the only way to get a promotion is to pray for one, and I dont mean because “GOD” will grant me one, I mean it because my boss is a religious person who basically thinks the reason it rains is because my co-worker didnt pray hard enough that it wouldnt rain. So if you pray lots, then she wil be convinced you are a good person, even if you do no actual work, as long as you pray.
A fine collection of pictures. This brought me a chuckle
Hillarious Article. I like the no BS sign.
Up to the usual high standard of your humour. Well done. Thanks and keep the smiles coming.
Very funny!
The only one that I have is the living paperweight.