You want a day off of work. You’ve got to come up with a creative reason. Here are five dandy reasons for telling your boss that you’re not going to work today.

1.   I’ve come down with the swan flu. It’s a distant cousin to the swine flu. I’m starting to flap my wings every ten minutes. I’m sweating profusely, and I need to drink lots of water. In fact, I have a real urge to take a long bath.

2.   I have a split headache. My head has separated into two directions. I’m trying to put the two pieces together. So far I haven’t been successful.

3.  My wife is out of town, and I’m taking advantage of the situation. I have a mistress that I promised to take to the art museum. You can call this a cultural leave of absence. You wouldn’t say no to art would you?

4.  My electricity is out. My car is in need of repair. I have an overflow problem with my toilet. My basement is flooded. I could go on and on. Tell me when you’re ready for me to stop.

5.  I can’t move. It took me over a half hour to make it to the phone. My back is out. I’m in tremendous pain. What’s that? You hear the football game on in the background. It’s nothing really. You are just hearing the voices of my buddies trying to straighten out my back. I just can’t make it to the last shift tonight. Oh wait, just one second. Alright, touchdown! Oops, I mean my back is down. I’ll be in tomorrow.

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