Funny Complaints and Customer Service Calls

Published by in Work
22nd Mar 2010

B&Q Hardware Retail

Customer: Can I pay for items over the phone with cash?

Agent:      Aw…well, I suppose you could fax it to us.

Microsoft technical help-desk

Agent:      Right, now I want you to close all the open windows.

(after 5 minutes of silence)

Customer: The only window that was open was in the bathroom…I’ve closed that, now what?

Au Natural

Customer: Hi, I am looking for candles.

Agent:      OK, is it just any kind of candles?

Customer: No, it’s those scented ones…now what do you call them?  That’s it, incest candles.

Movie house cinemas

Customer: I was wondering if there is some sort of “money back” policy, if I didn’t enjoy a movie?

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Agent:      What was wrong?  Was it the movie you didn’t like, or was there a problem in the theatre?

Customer: Well…it was more the theatre really, I couldn’t hear the side effects.

Doors and floors

Customer: Hi, I seen in your catalogue that you sell plain white panel doors.  Will they still be white if I call in today?

Agent:      No, we paint them a different colour everyday.  They are only white on Tuesdays.

Sexual health clinic

Customer: I would like to come in for some STD tests.

Agent:      Would you be willing to describe your symptoms for me, so I can give you some advice before coming in?

Customer: I don’t have any symptoms; but I am sleeping with my wife and my girlfriend and I don’t trust any of them.

British Telecom

Customer: I don’t understand how you can’t help me.  You own the telephone lines, even if I am with another provider.

Agent:      See, it’s like this.  If you get food poisoning from a fried chicken take out, you don’t sue the chicken farmer, now do you?

Sky Broadband technical support

Customer: I have a degree in computer science so I know what I am talking about.  The problem is with the router.

Agent:      Let me just give you a scenario.  I am a brain surgeon.  I don’t have someone lying on a gurney with their skull cap removed and their brain exposed.  What use is my degree in Brain surgery now? Absolutely no use.  Now you don’t have the systems we have monitoring your connection, so what use is your degree in computer science?  Do you see where I am going with this?

Vodafone Email support

Customer: I keep receiving emails offering me penis enlargement.  I’m a woman, I don’t have a penis!

Agent:      Are you sure?

Doctors reception

Customer: Hi, I am calling for some information on the procedure I have to take.

Agent:      Do you know what the procedure is?

Customer: It’s the dye test where they put the tube down into your stomach.

Agent:      OK, and what would you like to know?

Customer: Well, I don’t think I could swallow that, so I was wondering if they could cut it into little pieces and give me it with a glass of water?

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  • Dark Lord Dixie

    Hey I think the one about the router was me! I had a similar conversation with my satelite internet provider. Seriously, plus I always lie about my degrees when I am on with tech support

  • Jon Abraham

    All good ones! …one more for you, Techinician, “Press any key” Customer – “I’ve checked all the keys on my keyboard but I can’t find the ‘any’ key!”…lol

  • Anuradha Ramkumar

    Excellent one. I had a hearty laugh.

  • LiteraryPrincess

    Funny, gringo…almost as good as my Missed Connections series. Ha! Good going!

  • mkd1788

    very funny…nice observation

  • aniket

    that was hilarious!

  • B Nelson

    I one time had somebody call the store I work at and ask me to go nextdoor to see what the restraunts special was that day.

  • Kinkyvinyl

    Well certainly gave me a few giggles! I feel bad now that I sent you a really long winded story to read ;oD

  • Mark Gordon Brown

    Okay those were pretty funny!

  • stefanp

    funny, okay some were just above and beyond

  • Littlekid137

    Haha are these legit? It seems like a hard job to have taking people’s calls all day and dealing with the idiots.
    I would definately be a smart ass to everyone

  • Midie

    Reading your article make me smile. All of the jokes are funny.

  • Knarf Sewob

    I’ll let you in on a little secret lk, I was the agent on at least 2 of those calls. The rest I got from people I used to work with.

  • redmail99


  • Paul Roberts

    Very good timing for now. we could use this humor.Well done.Friend, fan, smile

  • aaronxnow

    Very funny. Something that’s actually made me laugh… It’s been a while.

  • Thinker333

    Having worked in customer relations, I have had some like this as well. Especially the Cash over the phone bit.

    Also one for the road:
    Customer: “Are you open?”

  • Sue Nuckles

    Interesting article. Okay, I laughed at some of them.

  • XXElleXX some people seriously need to consider doing stand-up comedy!!!

  • thuanynguyen

    haha! great one.

  • cookiemonster5436

    this is awesome

  • Bo Jack Russo


  • ricky212

    You should make more like these. HILARIOUS!!!!!!!!!

  • Anupam Kachroo

    Roflcopter …. hahaha

  • Franklin

    hahaha… if this really happens, I could say they are stupidly funny… hehehe

  • Knarf Sewob

    Thank you for all the comments guys, this is on its way to becoming my most successful article with almost 50 views! If you all spam the link where ever you can, I might reach 100. 8&&b

  • Prestage

    hahah nice one gringo :)
    made me smile
    more fun than the chemistry practice paper im going through :/

  • hhhhhhh

    Good! (lol)

  • Darla Smith

    Great article! Very funny!

  • vaughanh

    Like it!

  • willyonline

    Nice sharing to others

  • CaSundara

    lol – these were funny.
    I could never work with members of the general public…

  • Brittney Cougill

    Some people are just really stupid.

  • Karen Gross

    Great collection! Actually, I think that any one of us under all of the wrong circumstances has the capacity to be a complete idiot.

  • maeraquel

    More! I know you have more. 1 out of 10 complaint calls coming stupidly funny.

  • maeraquel

    1 out of 10 complaint calls are stupidly funny.

  • Alexanderlegend

    I read your article ;)
    page views increased? :P

  • bobie

    haha . .nice funny moments. . want to read more funny ..

  • verobison3

    I only laughed at one. But lost my interest a little after the “sexual Clinic” one. Oh, I got this from the forum.