Be responsible while away on company time.  If the boss sent you off-site for a day or two, you don’t need to be out drinking all night.

Don’t sleep under (or at) your desk.  This should be a no-brainer, but it still happens, regularly.  Your co-workers see it and it’s embarrassing for them.  Your boss sees it, and it’s a money-waster for him.  Go to bed earlier and stay awake at work.

Do your work to the best of your ability.  If you run out of work, look for more work to do.  If you do just enough work to keep yourself busy, your boss will realize that he doesn’t need you when you take that three-week long vacation and everything is still getting done.

Don’t collect money for the latest office baby, and then keep half the stash.  Your co-workers are not idiots.  They will figure you out pretty quickly.

Don’t call in sick on Fridays when the sun and sand are calling your name.

Don’t call in sick on Mondays unless you’re actually sick.  The regular Monday morning sick call becomes predictable and speaks volumes about your character and overall work ethic.

Don’t call in sick one day and show up the next with a fresh manicure and pedicure.

Don’t take a fifteen minute break every hour, even if you smoke.  Find out what you’re actually allowed to take if you don’t know.  You’re robbing your company if you take too many breaks.

Don’t stroll in the door right at starting time.  Get there early and be ready to start work when it’s starting time. 

And finally, don’t fake a heart attack or epileptic seizure if there’s something you don’t want to do.  Everyone knows you’re a big ole’ liar anyway.  That’s just the tip of the ice berg and a great way to earn a whole lot of unpaid time off.