When you’re a police patrol officer, weird things happen at work that don’t happen with other jobs.  Such an incident happened to my wife Karla, who was a public safety officer (Police/Fire) with a big city police department.

While working day shift she responded to a call about a drunk walking down the sidewalk on a street in her patrol area.  It only took her a few minutes to arrive at the scene.  She immediately saw the subject of the complaint.  A male subject in his ’50s wearing a tattered Army field jacket and blue jeans ripped at the knees was weaving down the sidewalk occasionally bouncing off building walls.  Getting out of her patrol car, she approached the drunk who broke out in a big smile when he saw her.  “Wow!” he exclaimed as he put one hand out on a door frame to steady himself.  “You sure are beautiful.”  He frowned and said,  “Did someone complain about me?”  Karla smiled to put the older man at ease.  “Not really.  Someone saw you were having a little trouble walking down the street and they just wanted to make sure you were okay.  Do you live around here?”  The drunk looked around trying to focus his red, bloodshot eyes on his surroundings.  “I don’t think so.  Where am I, anyway?”  She suppressed a smile at his confusion.  “You’re in the 400 block of State Street.  What’s the address where you live?”  The older man squinted his eyes as he thought for a moment and you could almost see the light bulb go off over his head.  “I live at the Day Night motel at the city limits.” 

That was in her patrol area.  Since he wasn’t really causing a problem, she decided to give him a ride home rather than arrest him.  She ran a records check to make sure he wasn’t wanted, and after searching him for any weapons, she put him in her patrol car and drove him to the run down motel just outside the city in the county. Getting out of her car, she opened the rear door and helped him out, then kept a hand on his shoulder to steady him as he walked up to his room.  “Now sir, you go on in your room and take it easy.  I gave you a break, so don’t make me regret it.”   He stretched his right hand toward the sky, almost falling over.  “I put my right hand up to God,  I’ll do just that!” he exclaimed.  She waited until he unlocked the door, went inside and shut it.  Then she got back in her car, cleared the call, and resumed her patrol.

Several hours went by, and she forgot about the call.  Finding a suspect she had a warrant on, she placed him under arrest and transported him to the magistrates office.  She was sitting behind a vacant desk writing up an arrest report when the large metal entrance door squeaked open, and a county deputy walked in with the drunk she had given a ride to earlier. His hands were handcuffed behind his back and he was obviously under arrest.   Spotting her behind the desk, the old man’s face broke out in a wide grin and he looked at the deputy.  “There she is!  There’s that beautiful angel that took me home this morning!”  The deputy recognized Karla and slapped his forehead with his left hand.  “I knew it!” he exclaimed, shaking his head.  “When he described the officer who took him home, I just knew it was you!”  Karla put on her most innocent face and put her hands up in a ‘who, me?’ gesture.  “What did he do?”

“What did he do?” the deputy parroted, giving her an incredulous look.   “After you left, John here got hungry and realized he didn’t have any food in the house.  He remembered across the road there was a house with a pretty nice garden in the back yard.  So, he walks over and picks out the biggest, ripest tomato he can find.” John nodded his head in agreement.  “It was a real beauty, all right.”  The deputy sighed and said, “Sir, please be quiet.  Anyway, he pulls out his pocketknife and slices off the top.  Then he walks up to the back door and knocks on it.  When the lady who tended the garden opened the door, he held up the tomato and said, ‘Excuse me lady.  Can I have a couple of pieces of Sunbeam bread and some Miracle Whip?”  The lady began screaming, grabbed a broom and started beating him over the head with it!”  Karla shrugged her shoulders.  “What was the big deal?  It was just a tomato.”  The deputy hung his head for a moment.  “That wasn’t just any tomato.  She was growing it to enter in the State Fair!”  Several officers who were in the room and the magistrate burst out into laughter.  One officer laughed so hard he cried and had to catch his breath.

From that moment on, if she took another drunk home she made sure there weren’t any tomato patches in the immediate area.