What Color is Your Underwear and Other Critical Interview Questions

Ask your potential employee the color of their underwear.

 Studies show that the color of one’s underwear greatly determines the type of employee that a person will be. The darker the color of underwear, the more serious the employee with the exception of white which signifies purity to the company and is a real plus in any workplace. So pink underwear with males or females is a definite warning sign.

Ask your potential female employees their weight and then pull out a scale and take their actual weight.

 The gals will always admit to weighing around 120 pounds. Even the large women who obviously weigh more. Those who lie about their weight will be dishonest employees!

Ask your male potential employees their height and then measure their actual height.

Men tend to lie about their height. The guy who is 5′4 will always lie and admit to being 6′0 in heels. This person is a huge risk to the company.

Ask you potential employee how long it takes them to get ready in the morning.

 Any person who takes longer than an hour to shower, change, eat breakfast and run out the door is going to waste the company money and spend too much time looking in the mirror. Vanity is not a positive attribute!

Ask your potential employee if they have an “innie” or an “outie” bellybutton.

 Research that I have recently invented proves that “innies” have a deeper knowledge of work matters. The “outies” just want to get out and play.

Ask that your potential employee to take you out to their vehicle so that you may inspect the outside, inside and the trunk.

You can definitely tell a lot about your potential employee by the way they treat their vehicle. The outside

should be clean and free of major dents. The inside should be orderly and neat.

The trunk is the most telling part of your potential employee’s personality. If they

use the trunk to store junk that is a negative!I remember once escorting a

perfectly qualified female to her trunk and finding chocolate bars stashed inside.

This proved that she was addicted to chocolate and I had to end the interview.

Never ever read resumes, as everyone lies about the college they attended and their various degrees anyway.

 Everyone went to an Ivy League school, studied in Europe and saved the continent of Africa from starvation. Really now.

Ask highly personal questions and if they are cute ask them out on a date.

They will want the job and so they will probably answer anything you ask. They will go out with you to secure the job and sue you later.

Never hire people with children, pets, dandruff, parents, runny noses or sunburns.

 The statistics that I just made up, prove that these people will be absent more than once in a while and may even take off one or two days a year! This kind of behavior cannot be tolerated!

Always ask what your potential employee does NOT know.

 If you are hiring

. an employee to take drive thru orders and they do not know the language of

Swahili then you are in trouble. Let’s say that a customer wishes to order in

Swahili and how can they unless that drive thru employee speaks their language?

There you have it. The best and only questions to ever, ever ask your potential employees! Remember good help is so hard to find and finding it is such a help!