After an illustrious career as the Chief Window Washer of Corporation Inc, in what some consider to be the most generic workplace drama ever created, Mr. Clueless granted us a rare interview despite his well-known preference for privacy.

The actor behind Mr. Clueless (Jimmy Ding) seemed to be about as boring as the character he played on T.V.

“I wanted to be a doctor in a bad soap opera, but I wasn’t dramatic enough. I applied for a position reading the weather too, but that didn’t pan out.”

Asked about his plans for retirement, Mr. Ding replied “I want to sit around and watch TV and play bingo. Isn’t that what all retired people do? I never do things that aren’t normal… Let me tell you a secret. I don’t think anyone else knows this, but I’m boring.”

Talk about anti-climactic.

There was only one question left in our arsenal that might succeed in interesting an ADD hobgoblin for longer than 2 seconds. So we let fire.

“Would the REAL Mr. Clueless PLEASE stand UP?”

We expected him to jump up and say something comically hilarious now, because that was a running gag on the show.

As expected, he jumped up. As expected, he delivered a line that was only funny if you were 40, overweight, and played golf.

As unexpected, his wig fell off.

WIG?

Our highly specialized was on him in a second. He put up a fight, but luckily we know how to tickle a man to death if need be.

Through his uncontrolled laughter he confessed, “I’m not the real Mr. Clueless! He lied to you! Help!”

Through a mixture of tears and giggles (A sound we DON’T want to hear again), he related in detail that Mr. Clueless had given us his address and paid him to do the interview. 

“Are you saying Mr. Clueless can lie? Jimmy Ding is not George Washington turned dull by the rigors of corporate life? What?”

The impostor ran out the door, with a large number of bees following him.

Maybe he had tried to sic them on us, but true to Mr. Clueless, his plans always failed.