You Name It, They Got It

I have noticed something about the internet. It doesn’t really matter what you type in to your search engine, you will find it on the internet. I tried this one time while I was feeling quirky. I searched my brain cells for a grand total of five seconds and came up with, “purple cockroach”. Seriously, that was what I typed into my search engine. I figured it was a joke and nothing would come up. I was wrong. There was a whole page full of purple cockroaches.

If you type in, “snot-nosed dingbats”, something would come up, I’m sure. The internet contains everything you could ever want to see, and a whole lot of things you don’t. I sat and pondered how these people come up with this kind of stuff, but then I realized that I was one of those people coming up with weird stuff. After all, I thought of purple cockroaches, didn’t I? It’s that type of creative thinking that made me the person I am today,–odd.

I love the internet because it’s easy access to a world of information, as long as you know what not to do online to keep from catching a computer “cold” or “flu”. Viruses are everywhere, though I personally have yet to see one. At least I don’t think I’ve seen one. Would I even know a virus if I saw one? Probably not, but at least I would notice if the computer started acting funny–maybe.

Computers act funny anyway, they get glitches sometimes, which are very similar to the aches, pains and miseries that we humans sometimes suffer. Computers get temper tantrums too, which I discovered one day when I accidentally gave my printer two different commands at once. It didn’t like that, and gave me evidence to that fact by spewing page after page of computer cuss, rows of strange little symbols like this: !@#^*)(&#@_+T447*(232_(++)+)&*(^%*908&^*^+=-*)+*^*&+(+(_0–866 I cannot translate it but believe me, I get the idea.

So, my printer does not multi-task, so what? At least it prints, sometimes. Creative writing programs have their little problems too. I think it’s just a failure to communicate between the owner of the fingers that are typing and the keyboard itself. How many times have you typed a paper perfectly, with every word spell-checked, and grammar-checked, and all margins exactly the way you want them, only to get the final result out of the printer and it looks like this:

Dear sir,
We
received your order
today and are shipping im
Mediately.  Thank you for
Your time.  Sincere
Ly,

Bob S
Mith

Computers just love to do that. It gives your hard drive a big thrill to watch you turn six shades of purple and rip all your hair out. And just try to print something off the internet itself. If you don’t get a blank sheet of paper out of your printer, you will probably get only half of what you were printing. It’s a lot of fun to sit there trying to pen in your guesses as to what the rest of the page should look like. Just don’t let your computer see you tear the sheet in half with your teeth and throw your keyboard out the window. It’s that kind of entertainment that your P.C. lives for. Happy computing!

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