I’m writing this article about kids quotes because I’d never laughed so much in my life until my first child learned to talk. The simplest, most naive things that come out of a childs mouth make the best, and often the cleverest comedy in the world. This is probably because they don’t actually intend to be funny (unless a toddlers IQ is actually higher than we all imagined and they are actually comic geniuses!!).

 About my life I’m a 24year old married mum of two beautiful children (Jack – 2years and Millie- 18months). I work part time and study A Level Psychology part time too. I’ve been writing stories, poems and articles since I was about 16years old. Writing, reading and music are the only things that keep me sane! My children are my life, my husband is my hero and my mum is my best friend. Cheeky but funny! 

Cheekiness That You Inadvertedly Encourage By Laughing

The funniest things my son says are usually very cheeky and aimed at his father. A few days ago he (my son) was doing something that he shouldn’t have been. My husband told him off and Jack answered back, so my husband says “Jack, don’t argue with me”. Jack looks up at him very innocently and says “I wasn’t arguing daddy, i was just telling you you’re a loser”!! The boy is 2!!

Another funny-but-naughty episode was when Jacks grandma told him off for not doing as he was told, and Jack turned to her and said “Face..bovverred grandma”!
Catherine Tate, eat your heart out!!

The new phrase Jack has learned is “I’ll do it tomorrow”.
So when I say “Jack, its time for bed”, i get “I’ll go to bed tomorrow”.
Or when I say “Jack, its time for school”, i get “I’ll go to school tomorrow”.
When I say “Jack, tidy up your toys”, i get “I’ll tidy up tomorrow”!!!

As a disciplinary tactic we’ve started using “facing the wall” as a punishment, which is working fantastically…….apart from the fact that now if mummy or daddy say or do something naughty Jack says “Face the wall, and dont move til you’ve said sorry”!! Knock Knock…..Who’s There???? 

Jokes told by a two year old

Jack has recently tried to grasp the concept of telling jokes. Specifically, knock knock jokes. His first attempt was the following:
Jack – “Knock Knock”
Mum – “Who’s there?”
Jack – “Banana”
Mum – “Banana who?”
Jack – “Orange!”
Now, if anyone else told this joke i wouldn’t even crack a smile. It doesn’t make any sense. But coming from Jack i laughed until i was crying!! He thought he was so clever!!

My mum taught him a new one. The old favourite:
Knock knock
Who’s there?
Boo!
Boo who?
Dont cry!

Jack loves this one and tells it to everybody…his family, his teachers, the girl at the counter in Tesco!! Mummy, Have You Got A Willy?? 

A 2 yr olds Concept of The Difference between Boys and Girls

Jack was in the bath the other evening with his little sister, when he looked up at me and said “Mummy, Millie hasn’t got a willy”. I said “No darling, thats because Millie is a girl and you’re a boy”. Jack said “Oh”, he looked at her and then decided “Millie’s got a bum instead”. So….boys have willies and girls have bums! Now he thinks he can ask anyone he knows, “Have you got a willy? Well, have you got a bum then?” The Past, Present and Future! 

Things can only get better…

When Jack was a baby we couldn’t wait for his first words. We longed for the day when he’d look up and utter those first cute little words.
Now? Now, we cross our fingers and hope for the best whenever we take Jack to a public place!
I guess as he gets older he’ll become more inquisitive and public conversations will become more cringeworthy!
Being a mum…..challenging, tiring, constantly nerve-wracking but I WOULDN’T CHANGE A SINGLE THING!!!!