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Massie Jokes From the Clique
Whether you hate her or love her, Massie has an attitude fit for an Alpha! Here’s a list of her jokes, as well as others from other characters. Please comment and click “I Like It!” if you like it!
The jokes are categorized by book, then by page, then an explanation of the joke. I will try to update frequently. If I missed one, please comment what book it is, the page number, and then the actual joke, if you can. If you’d like to make up your own joke, please comment, and I’ll put up the ones I think are best! So come awn, what are you waiting for?
The Clique
- Did I ask you to take my temperature?
- Then why are you all up in my butt? (50)
Why are you annoying me, why are you badgering me, etc.
- Did I invite you to my barbecue?
- Then why are you all up in my grill? (54)
Why are you annoying me, why are you badgering me, etc.
- Are you a female dog?
- Because you’re acting like a real b—-! (Claire, 56)
Pretty obvious, it’s a way to call someone a b—-.
Best Friends For Never
- Did I order coffee?
- Then why are you all up in my mug? (54)
Why are you annoying me, why are you badgering me, etc.
- Do you work at a grocery store?
- Then why are you checking me out? (142)
Used if someone is looking at you, and you want to call them on it.
- Do I look like I’m from Moscow?
- Then why do you think I’d be into Russian (rushing)? (150)
Um, I don’t feel like going that fast, why do you wanna get this done so fast?
- Do I look like a total female dog?
- Then why are you calling me a total b—-? (183) *
Pretty obvious, it’s a way to call someone a b—-. Except this one has “total.” Ooh.
Revenge of the Wannabes
- Is this Freaky Friday?
- Then why are you trying to steal my identity? (24) **
If someones trying to copy you and you don’t like it. (duh)
- Do I sell fertilizer?
- Then why do you think I care? (65)
Fertilizer made from animal poo. So why do you think I give a c—.
- Have you been hanging with 50 Cent lately?
- Then where did you learn to rap (wrap)? (Alicia, 104)
Uh, I guess you could use it if you’re wrapping presents, or if you know someone that simply stinks at rapping.
- Are you a poor dressmaker?
- Then why are you ripping off my material? (104)
If you want to call someone on copying you, ripping you off.
- Did you join the circus?
- Because you’ve been acting like a total freak! (252)
Whoa. That person is weird. I’ll use this joke on them…
- You should be on ER.
- Because you’re about to fall! (260-261)
Uh, self-explanatory. If someone is going to fall (literally or figuratively), use it, I guess.
Invasion of the Boy Snatchers
- Are you full of garbage?
- Then why are you acting like a Hefty? (39)
Sort of a mean fat joke I guess.
- Am I a vampire?
- Then why are you keeping me in the dark? (42)
Why are you keeping secrets from me?
- Do you work at 411?
- Because that was way too much information! (65)
Uh, when someone gives you information you could have lived on without hearing.
- I thought DVDs weren’t allowed (at my sleepovers).
- Then why am I watching Lady and the Tramp? (92)
Used to call out tramp like behavior.
- Am I a band-aid?
- Then why did you rip me off? (124)
If you want to call someone on ripping you off.
- Are you in love with your cousins?
- Then why are you making a booty call? (171)
I don’t see anyone using this. Maybe if you’re giving a call to find something you loss, I guess.
- Are you a magician?
- Then why are you acting all delusional? (190) ***
Incorrect information, but can be used to say are you seeing things, or why are you crazy.
- Are you a midget?
- Then get over him! (196)
Get over a guy. Simple as that.
- Are you poor?
- Because you’re not making any cents (sense). (248)
When you don’t understand, or you’re pretending to be dumb and not understand.
The Pretty Committee Strikes Back
- Are you a toad?
- Then why are you acting all horny? (50)
Self-explanatory.
- Why didn’t you send me a postcard from Morocco?
- It sounds like you were in de-Nile (denial). (61) ****
Incorrect information, but used when someone can’t accept something.
- Are you having a soccer finals flashback?
- Because you seem a little desperate to score. (137)
If someone really wants to get it on with someone else, but not really succeeding.
- Were your parents lobsters?
- Then why are you acting all shellfish (selfish)? (204)
Self-explanatory. Why are you selfish?
Dial L for Loser
- Do you want to borrow my knife?
- To help you cut the cheese! (26)
Farts, flatulence, gas, etc.
- Do I look like a deck of cards?
- Then what makes you think I want to get lost in the shuffle? (148)
Why would I want to be a follower? or I want to stand out.
- Do I look like a video game?
- Then why are you playing me? (152)
Why are you cheating me, not being fair, trying to use me, etc.
It’s Not Easy Being Mean
- Are you mad at Alicia?
- Then why does it sound like you want to socc-er (sock her)? (7)
Why are you mad at her?
- Are you a cat?
- Then what’s with the litter? (67)
Questioning about trash, or garbage, or could be used for a litter of animals, or even a group of little kids following someone.
- Is my name Dorothy?
- Then why do you think Munchkins could help me? (90)
Making fun of someone who’s small, or likes small things.
- You must be poor.
- Because you’re not making any cents. (99)
When you don’t understand, or you’re pretending to be dumb and not understand.
- Are you a pyromaniac?
- Because you’re playing with fire! (155)
Watch out, I’m dangerous!
Sealed With a Diss
- Are you a Diesel turtleneck poncho?
- Then why are you trying to pull one over on me? (3-4)
Don’t try to trick me.
- Are you guys super-tall jockeys?
- Then get off your high horses. (68)
Stop thinking you’re better than everyone.
- Are you made of saran wrap?
- Then why are you acting all clingy? (86)
Stop hanging around me, why are you so attach-y?
- Are you a soccer coach for chickens?
- Then why are you calling fowl (foul) play? (173)
Why do you think this is bad? Or could be used for actual birds. 
Bratfest at Tiffany’s
- Are you my favorite Chinese takeout dish?
- Then why act all gung ho? (5)
Don’t act dopey.
- Do you work at the American Airlines ticket counter?
- Then why are you checking our bags? (15)
Literally, why are you looking at our bags.
- Do you have a nut allergy?
- Because you’re head is starting to swell. (70)
Stop acting so conceited.
- Do you have a towel?
- Because you’re all washed up. (Derrington, 70)
You’re old news, you don’t matter.
- Are you a sweater set?
- Because you’re just met your match. (70)
I’m just as good as you (or better).
- Are you Will Ferrell?
- Then don’t make me laugh. (Derrington, 71)
Someone telling a non-funny joke that you wouldn’t take seriously.
- Are you a calendar?
- Because your days are numbered! (71)
Watch out!
- Are we in a coma?
- Then what makes you think we’re gonna take this lying down? (83)
We’re gonna fight back, not just let it pass over.
- Do I sell fertilizer?
- Because you obviously think I give a c—. (134)
I don’t care.
- Are you a diaper?
- Then why are you so pissed? (156)
Why are you mad?
- Are you an actor?
- I heard you were gonna be in a trailer! (221)
Uh, someone is in a trailer.
P.S. I Loathe You
- Are you the OCD Sirens’ goalie?
- Then why are you trying to block my shot? (19)
I can’t see.
- Are you on the track team?
- Then why are you trying to run with this? (77)
That idea is dead.
- Are you asleep?
- Then why are you dreaming? (83)
Wake up, this is reality!!
- Are you an LBR with a broken leg?
- Then stop acting like a sore loser (and let’s move on) (88)
Get over it and move foreward.
- Are you a fisherman?
- Then why are you cutting the line? (131)
Cutting in line.
- He’s a guy, Massie, nawt a stock.
- Then why are you so desperate for me to trade? (147) *****
Why do you want to trade so badly?
- Are you an astronaut?
- Then why are you spacing? (164-165)
Hello? You spaced out.
- Are you guys a Mariah Carey song?
- Because you belong together. (167)
You deserve each other.
- Is my name V?
- Then why would I follow U? (175)
U as you. Creative.
- You’re Lycra!
- Because you hold everyone back! (Dylan) (198)
You don’t let others shine.
- Am I a Jonas Brother?
- Then why are you waiting for me to lose it? (7)
I’m not going to just give up.
- Is Cam a fattening Girl Scout cookie layered with creamy peanut butter and a chocolate coating?
- Then don’t make him a Tagalong. (14)
Don’t make him third-wheel. P.S. that cookie sounds deelish! 
- Are you a wannabe opera singer?
- Then stop trying to be a Soprano. (37)
Referring to if someone talks a certain way.
- Is my birthday (insert yesterdays date)?
- Then stop treating me like was born yesterday! (42)
Don’t think I’m stupid.
- Am I a piece of lint-covered cashmere?
- Then why are you brushing me off? (60)
Why are you blowing me of?
- Is your name Hue?
- Then why are you stocking me? (122)
Why are you stalking me, creeping me, following me, etc.
- Is my name Helen Keller?
- Then why would I sign? (125)
In reference to Helen being blind and deaf and using sign language.
- Would you like your egg sunny-side up?
- Then beat it! (133)
Get out of the way.
- Have you been swallowing chicken bones?
- Then why did you choke? (136)
Why didn’t you say anything/the right thing?
- Are you Madonna’s arms?
- Then why are you so cut? (149)
You’re cut. Out of here.
- Do you want to be president?
- Then why are you running? (Jasmin, 194)
Why are you running? (Literally, the physical activity)
- Are you a hammer?
- Because you nailed it! (199)
You got it! Nice job, etc.
- Do you play football for Pittsburgh?
- Then why are you such a Steeler? (250)
Why are you stealing?
* The joke was never completed, but it was implied that Massie thought Claire was calling her a total b****.
** The context in the book is different, with Alicia figuring out the answer to Massie’s question.
*** FYI: Magicians make illusions, not de-lusions (noted by Kristen).
**** FYI: The Nile is in Egypt, not Morocco (noted by Kristen).
***** Dylan made a statement, and Massie responded in joke-form.
Remember, please comment if I missed one, and state the book and page number, and also try to make up your own Massie jokes!
Check out my other Clique articles!
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43 Comments
VERRRRRRRRY CUTE! That was AH=MAZING! LUV MASSIE AND HER BURNS!
That is really not nice! Those jokes or horrible quotes are just terrible things to say to people! Why can’t the world be peaceful and filled with happieness and love and kindess??!!! Everyone in our nation should be able to get along nicely! Lets start a new reunion people to vote to be kind to others!except chris abeley is a sexy beast and massie: HES MINE!!! LOSER!! ohhh…and make sure it gets to chris! remember: BE NICE TO OTHERS you freaks!
agnice of you dont like it then STOP READING THEM YOU FREAK! these books are ah-mazing.
wow ah-mazing list i luv the clique series! and the movie was greatt be quiet agnice its just a book lol just dont read themmm
Her Burns are so totally awesome some of them I’ve used. Every one was like huh. Massie is my role model. But 2 answer ur ? Yes I do have a life. The books and Movie were all sooo AWESOME. I hope Lisi keep making them.
dito to all comments cept the Agnice chick…. these are just books!!! well… and a movie but other than that these are just ment to be funny, jeeze! but ya i love them too, read them all in week, saw the movie for the first time yesturday and everything from the books andd the movie fit together perfectly. cant wait tll they make the next one. :p
Hey everyone!
I’m a clique fan too, but I’m wondering why you like Massie so much (apart form the fact that she’s pretty, rich, popular and mean). And do/don’t you like Claire and why?
Plus: did you like more the clique movie or the book? and why?
I’m really interested to hear your opinion
, fellow cliquers! 
xoxo
Alica
i’m gonna give you the ones from p.s. i loathe you later
You didn’t have the ones in P.S I loathe you… but you did a really good job. I have been looking for them everywhere and you have the complete collection.
I like Massie becuz shes cool and her jokes r good… haha
my fav character in The Clique is dylan becuz i like to eat (i am not faT)…. hehe i dont eat alot but only at parties… XD
I heart these books!!!
But why does it say they are all 12?!?
I mean they act way more mature than that.
Uh.. I think you got all most all of them but one. In the 2nd book, Best Friends for Never, Massie said to Claire, “Do we look like a pair of boobs?” “Well, then STOP TRYIN TO HANG BESIDE ME!” And in the book “Bratfets at Tiffany’s” when she says, “Are you an actor? Cause I heard your gonna be in a trailer.” She was saying that the person was poor.
I love these books! They are the best books I have ever read!
THIS WAS TOTALY ACURATE AND I LUVED IT YOU DID A REALLY GOOD JOB ON THIS. KEEP UP THE GOOD WORK
Have any of you even heard of good fiction?
These books are for conformists and stereotypical brats.
I could barely get through the first one.
And exactly why are these called jokes? They are insults, and not very good ones. Really.
The book focuses on girls who wish they were ‘in’. Now please, try to be mature and read some good works of art. Lisi Harrison is a good author, but her materiel isn’t exactly a good influence on young girls. I’m going to say the majority of girls who read this are ages 11-13. And the characters do NOT act mature for there age. They are twelve, and act twelve. Maybe even younger. The definition of mature is respectful, kind, and adult-like. These girls are none of those. Please, try a good, educational fiction.
Hey i luv the clique. But i dont like 2 steal material. so here r some of My jokes:
are you a window?
because i can c right through u
are you a washing machine?
then why are you acting all washed up?
are you an astronont?
then why are you in my space?!
Thats all 4 now. and remember you can use these but theycame from ME.
Luv times 10-M
WoooWWZZerZZ!!! ii ToTaLLy HeArT TheSe BooKS !!!! 9i started the trend at mii school soo Lisi you can thank me for that ;P) Anyway i cant wait until the next book “Boys R’ US” comes out!! GaWd!!! I LOve TheM!!!
EHMAGAWD! i heart the clique books! i loveee Massie and Alicia and Dylan and Claire and Kristen too! But i HATE Layne! but i still heart the books! I hope Lisi Harrison NEVER stops writing the Clique books cuz they are so good!!!
Thanks, everyone! I’m hoping to update the jokes soon, and Jen, I’ll look for the boobs one, but the trailor one was already included. :]] Madeline, I love yours!
I updated last night, didn’t look for boobs one, but if someone can give me a page, that would help! If not, I’ll look for it myself after I finish my paper. Urg.
omg this is somthing that you can lol on right! i luv the clique
i luv the clique moive
for some reason i also luved alica she looks so sweet but has a mean side like me i’m goody goddy but when i don’t get my way i get mad like every other kid
massikur, haha thanks! Yeah, the Clique is pretty ah-mazing.
cutie-pie 1000, Alicia is a pretty complex character! I know what you mean.
OKay i dont think i saw this one on the list….
Are you a bird??
then why are you so cheap….. cheap cheap cheap cheap( like a bird chipss)
heres one i made, Am i a pimple? then why are you trying to cover me up? (say this to you parents! lol)
Haha Hannah, those are good!!
hi guys(girls)
a last shout out 2 all my friend!!!i heart u!!! (srry alicia 4 stealin ur line)
i no u love dose jokes cuz i maded dem up. of course deir ah-mazing since i created them.watch me in da movie!!!! i’ll b da 1 w/ black hair & da 1 @ da top of da game.
well if that’s massie block, then im alicia rivera. and no its no ok fo you to steal my line. your lucky bocd is just ocd or else my soum8s boygirl clique woiuld be all over you ACTRESSES.
I didn’t see this one on the list “Do I sit in the middle of the mall for eight hours a day in a big blue desk?”
“well then why do you think I have then Information”… I think it’s in the book The pretty committe strikes back
“Have any of you even heard of good fiction?
These books are for conformists and stereotypical brats.
I could barely get through the first one.
And exactly why are these called jokes? They are insults, and not very good ones. Really.
The book focuses on girls who wish they were ‘in’. Now please, try to be mature and read some good works of art. Lisi Harrison is a good author, but her materiel isn’t exactly a good influence on young girls. I’m going to say the majority of girls who read this are ages 11-13. And the characters do NOT act mature for there age. They are twelve, and act twelve. Maybe even younger. The definition of mature is respectful, kind, and adult-like. These girls are none of those. Please, try a good, educational fiction.”
Ehmagawd, if you opposite of like them so much
why read them?
Bitch much?
and heres one of my jokes:)
Are you a pad?
Then why are you sticking to me?
i heart you!
Massie (haha, yeah. believe it or nawt thats my real name)
okay heres a horribly funny massie joke i just thought of!
are you an ipod?
then why r u playing me?
Thanks for putting all these up here! Massie’s got some great jokes/insults.
I totally heart the books, sure, they’re superficial, but they’re funny and fashionable. I love all of the characters, especially Massie and Layne.
As for all the people who came here posting bad stuff about these books,
Why? Why on earth would you waste your time coming here and posting all that negative stuff about it? The main reason I’m posting here is because I’m home sick and my mom’s out buying groceries and the next Clique girls book for me.
So, yeah, thanks again for the list!
I made a couple jokes my self…. for example
Are you a hellicopter?
Then why are you hovering?
(if someone wont leave you alone.)
Are you my shouffer?
Than why are you driving me crazy?
(self explanitory)
Do you own a tazar?
That why are you so shocked?
(if you tell someone something and they are shocked at what you said)
Thanks fellow Cliques.
WOW!!! i love the clique series!!!!! Massie’s comments Always seemed so clever!!!!!! keep them going y’all!!!!!!!!!!!!!:)
LISTEN UP PLZ!
DONT COME IN HERE AND JUDGE THOSE OF US WHO READ THESE. JUST CUZ WE READ THEM DOESNT MEAN WE ACT LIKE THE GIRLS IN THESE BOOKS. AND IT ALSO DOESNT MEAN THAT WE DONT READ ANY LARGER BOOKS OF FICTION OR GO AROUND INSULTING PEOPLE..
i lovee these books, they are so much fun to read and everytime i read one of those insults i LOL whether they are good or not bcuz they r just soo funny
Am I a radio? No. So then why are your trying to turn me on? (MY JOKE!!)
Are you a car? No. So then why do you smell like gas?
I have two!!
Are you shopping at Pier One (Or any merchandise store)
-Then why are you touching the merchandise
(Someone is touching you or your stuff)
Are you a bouncy, jumpy desert?
-Then why are you jellin? (Jealous)
Hahahah these jokes are so funny but seriously dont looook up to these people. It doesnt work. Its ok to use these jokes on ur friends but dont try using them on ur enemies. u just look stupid and immature. Try coming up with your own and be creative!
i luv the clique books! My friend and I r readin thm like crazy! I think these jokes r really funny!
..the massie comebacks are so funny
..i lhove reading them
ok this is one i made up tell me if u like it
are you macoroni?
then why are you acting so cheesy?
(like if some is acting cheesy LOL!)
~luv ya
kayla
p.s. i luvvv the clique books! my fav charactor is Kristen i m most like her
hey the clique books are awesome here\\\’s another jk like massie\\\’s that i made up.
Am I a scary movie?
Then why do you think I\\\’m doctor Hyde?
It means why are you avoiding me like mayvbe they think your scary? hmm maybe you dressed wierd that day mhmm
ok i have another joke but its not that good
are you a kiddie pool ?
then why r u actin so shallow?
luv
`kayla