Do you know what the difference is between a married man and a dead man? No? Neither do I. I have done a lot of research on this. What I found is astounding. While I never came up with what the difference is, I did find a lot of similarities. Yes, a married man and a dead man have so many similarities. To prove it, here is a little game we can play. I will list a characteristic and you figure out whether I’m talking about a married man or a dead man.

Characteristics:

• He doesn’t utter a word during an argument. Married man or dead man?
• His friends haven’t seen him for years. Is he dead or is he married?
• His facial expression never changes. Married. Dead.

These are tough, aren’t they? But there’s more.

• He is at peace only when he is flat on his back with his eyes closed. Could be dead. But could just be married.
• All his possession he once owned now all belong to his wife. Could be dead. Could just be married.
• When people talk about him, they always start with “I remember when . . .” “I remember when he used to drive that red sports car.” “I remember when he would open beer bottles with his teeth and spit the cap down the girl’s blouse. Boy, were those fun times.” Are they talking about the man after he is dead? Or is he just married?

The list could go on! But I stopped my research due to the fact that my wife was getting suspicious. If she knew I wrote this, she’d kill me. But then again, what would be the difference?