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The Ultimate Method of Birth Control
There are several effective methods of birth control, but this one turned out to be one hundred percent safe.
A couple who had just produced their eleventh child decided that it was time to get a bigger bed for them all to sleep in. They asked various charities and government departments to give them one, but no one was willing to part with one for nothing. They even considered stealing one but sadly they weren’t strong enough to do so.
There are several areas of England where similar stories have been played out and the reason for this is a lack of educational opportunity and general intelligence. Anywhere north of Watford seems to have this reputation and as the line on the map creeps up to Liverpool, Newcastle, Middlesbrough and Bradford it is believed by some to mark the end of civilization and education.
So, the husband went to his doctor and told him that they didn’t want any more children. The doctor told him that there was something called a vasectomy but that it was an expensive procedure. However, he did suggest a cheaper solution.
The man was directed to go home, take an empty beer can and place a firework (fire cracker) in it. Then he was to hold it to his ear and count to ten.
The man doubted that this would work but he knew he was nowhere near as clever as the doctor, so he agreed to try it.
So, off he went back home. He found a can of beer, drank it, lit a firework and placed it in the empty can. Then he held the can to his left ear and started to count 1, 2, 3, 4, and 5. Eventually he ran out of fingers, so he held the beer can between his legs and continued to count on the other hand, 6,7,8,9…..10
The problem was solved.
The same procedure works in other parts of the world where the inhabitants are not the smartest cookies in the box.
(With many thanks to C Jordan for the idea and the challenge.)
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66 Comments
I just love your work
lol, lol, lol, lol, yes Louie thats me laughing . Thanks once again great article, and i do love humor
lmfao! Love it love it love it.
I’m sorry but for some reason I can’t press the ‘I Like It’ button but I would if I could!
funny and i am in full agreement with Glynis,thanks
Love it! You are soooooo “off the beaten path” with your writing. I really enjoy it.
Thanks for concealing this wisdom for so long, Louie–you could have saved me a lot of hardship! :0 Hmmm, between this and the bunk beds article I’m beginning to wonder about lunar cycles with you! luv ya!
When I saw your title the first thought that came to mind was abstinence. I was close. lol
Yeah, the same thought (as Judy) ran through my mind, but this one is better.
on a serious note, with the world population about to top 7 Billion, I am all for ANY kind of Birth Control!
lol that was super funny!i can picture someone doing that.
Oouch!!! lol.
I’ll give it a go!
lol…funny!
hihihih…
you always made my day with your stories!
keep it coming louie! thanks!
Whoops, I should have finished reading it before trying it….
Thanks,
Clay
LOL!
Inna
this is very funny! thanks for making me laugh!
this made me smile! lol. very good.
lol. Painful solution!
A very enjoyable and funny story. The last two sentences hurt me just reading them. No more kids for that old chap. Well done.
Oh the was funny, well done! Anything north of Watford eh…hmmm!
adorable!
….as one writer put it ” Triond another solution!” lol.. roflol!!
thanks both to you and Triond for a laugh in the middle of a dull day.
hugs Angel
I couldn’t press the ‘I Like it Button’ for some reason but I would if I could
Hilarious. I hope no one has actually followed the advice.
That is so funny!
My hubby walked in as I was reading this and heard me laughing. I had him read the story. He then reached down to protect his privies, and started whimpering like a dog, shouting out, “That’s not funny!” Lol! Cute story.
This is a funny story. Thanks so much for sharing.
That was funny!!
I was totally expecting an abstinence piece… hehe, but this is another method that I think would work 100% too. But OUCH! Usually it is the woman that suffers when it comes to procreation matters… What a disturbingly funny story ; ).
A very ticking story!
lol this was hilarious… I lauged so hard!!!!!! I thought this was going to be a serious article… like abstinence as the anwser or something, but this was WAY better and kept me reading… I loved it!!! Nice job!
This is GREAT! So amazingly entertaining.
Now you’ve done it…you just may have planted the seed for part of next year’s crop of Darwin Awards.
(Actually, I thought at first that the firecracker was meant to blow out his eardrum…and with it, his brain. Now THAT would be the ultimate birth control method.)
Very funny.
Too good!!!!! Great stuff!!
LOL!!!!!
Oh, my! ROFL!!!
good one
Well that sure was an explosive bit of humor.
Now that was one awesome article to read.Sounds a bit painful in any fashion.I needed a good laugh and that you provided.
Lol….. Funny I love it..
lol this is great.
Why didn’t I think of that?!
And I thought skateboarding was the best form of birth control.
Louie, you forgot to include the warning for the article.
Warning : The act was performed by a fictitious character under the suggestion of a doctor. This article is purely written for fun. Do not try this at home. If you happen to do, do not blame the author.
LOL!!
LOL that was so funny!
It’s funny, Louie. Thanks.
Had fun reading it! lol
A great story, very funny, but I cant help but be a little dismayed at the sweeping judgement made of huge areas of my country. There are intelligent and not so intelligent people equally distributed across every country and it seemed a little unnecessary to put that paragraph in? Would have been just as funny without it! Dont mean to berate your work by any means,as otherwise I loved it, just an observation
(NB We have a national education system, so you are entitled to and have access to the same level of education regardless of whether you live North of Watford or not)
Well, Lizzie Green,I’m English and I live in the north. I consider myself well educated too! This is meant to be humour and not written as a serious judgemental article. (It may be politically incorrect but so is much of my work.) That’s why it is on Purple Slinky.
With regard to equal access to education, I would certainly argue that one…but not here since this is humour!
Louie – just to let you know, I’m a Northern lass and I found it hilarious x
Excellent! Great article and very funny as well. I really enjoyed reading your stuff. Well done and thanks for sharing
Very entertaining! Hadn’t heard that one before!
way to get people laughing! hahahahahahahahaha! no matter how disturbing that was!
I really thought he was going to blow his brains out-until the end.
great stuff
This crackem me up! Ha!!!!
You see I couldn’t stop laughing. I do know how to spell you know. I meant cracked!
Very funny!
very funny. nice read.
Ouch! Here in the U.S.A. that would be called Redneck Birth Control! LOL! This is great! Love it!
ahahaha that was great!
Gave me a good laugh XD!
and I thought this was serious…
good one!
Ouch! Great funny read.
I enjoyed the story,we had a similar story on how to keep a paratroopers wife from getting pregnate. She was to hold an asprin between her knees and like a good paratrooper ,keep her feet and knees together until she lightly touched down. Your fan,smile.