My former in-laws have a fantastic tradition in their family, they throw “Less than $5 gifts” or “White Elephant” gift parties for their closest relatives. As with any family, their family is in a different feud it seems every year. The gifts themselves would say it all about how the family felt about each other for any given year. Whether it be the obnoxious foul-mouthed talking parrot that had been re-gifted from a birthday gift several times over, or the can of lighter fluid that everyone seemed to take a turn getting as a gift until somebody finally had a BBQ and actually used it. 

If there was anything I learned from this, it is that you can find a gift within five minutes. It really isn’t something that you have to sweat over. Elephant Gifts are the best way to say “I want to make you laugh” or “I don’t like you that much” without getting stuck in all the social niceties of gift buying. Elephant Gifts are also a great tool to measure someone’s spontaneity or their sick sense of humor. 

Over the years, my in-laws have taught me several great things to consider when buying your not-so politically correct White Elephant gift:

Be cheap. White Elephant Gifts are not supposed to be expensive. They don’t even have to actually be purchased before the event. If you must make a purchase, truck on down to your local corner dollar store or gag gift store for an easy fix.

Consider your audience. Is this going to be a happy go lucky group? Would somebody be offended easily and maybe cost you your job? If there are serious reasons why you shouldn’t get a whimsical gift all willy nilly without any forethought, then you should think harder about your gift…. and maybe consider one that is politically correct.

Do you expect children? If so, you might want to go check out your closet and brush off that Barney and Friends CD. Skip the lighter fluid for this party, try to keep your gifts safe and family friendly.

How gross are the hosts? Gifts like the science experiment in the back of the refrigerator are not recommended, but can be equally hilarious to someone with an equally sick sense of humor. You may be able to swing down to your local gag gift store and look for some rubber pile of poop – those are always a big hit.

Gifts DO NOT have to be useful. It’s unlikely that anyone would laugh at a kitchen spatula for a White Elephant Gift. It’s more likely that they would laugh at a large gift box of unsalted peanuts. A big hit one year with our family was a box of disposable women’s underwear from the fifties.  It was especially funny since one of our favorite uncles them took out a pair, put them on over his jeans, and proceeded to prance around in disposable undies for the rest of the evening.

Do you have a gift from the recipient from last year? Reduce, reuse, recycle applies to elephant gifts too. There is something doubly hilarious about getting the same thing again that you have already given to someone else. Scour your house for that wooden rooster that has no purpose or that obnoxious foul-mouthed parrot they gave you for your birthday.

I will never forget how hilarious it was when one year I opened up that lovely decorated package with a really pretty bow and got that lighter fluid one year. Probably not so funny that one of the small children got it too in a subsequent year…