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Tricks to Get Rid of Unwanted Guests

Published by Rana Sinha in Pranks
April 16th, 2008

Sometimes guests, like the proverbial mother-in-law, overstay their welcome. Even the guests we like sometimes overstay their welcome. Here are six sure tricks to get overstaying guests to leave.

Photo Source: Wikimedia Commons

Here are six sure tricks to get overstaying guests to leave.

  1. Ask your guest to tell about her/his work or relationship and then mid-sentence cut her/him off by saying “I understand perfectly!” Then continue with how terrible your own work/relationship situation is. Every time the guest would like to get a word in, say “Oh, but your problems are nothing in comparison, though I understand you!” Keep it up until the guest gets tired and decides to leave. This mixture of getting cut off and someone saying she/he understands without even listening will frustrate anyone.
  2. Lock yourself in the bathroom with a book or magazine for half an hour. Before going, announce in details how you suffer from a too sensitive stomach and how it makes you tired and irritable.
  3. Bring some old photographs and start showing them. Remember to tell stories about the old aunt or uncle. The trick here is to stop at details and make them a big issue. Stop at details like “Now, was it 1972 or 1973 Christmas, when aunt Tilda came to visit us. I think it must have been 1972. No, it was around Watergate. But then thinking carefully Nixon was still president, so it must’ve been 1972 or 1973.” Then come back to your guest with “Oh, I’m sorry. Am I boring you? Now I remember, it was June 1971. Ok, on with the story! I have lots of stories about aunt Tilda”
  4. Start arguing loudly with your spouse about something very small and silly. You have to agree beforehand that this is a simulation argument so that it doesn’t get out of hand. Then ask the guest to give an opinion and take sides.
  5. Spill tea or coffee or food on the table or on the floor. If you spill on the guest, you might have to pay for the laundry bill and cab fare home so don’t even think of doing that. Then apologize “Oh sorry, my nerves. I just need some rest. Don’t worry, I’m fine.”

    Image via Wikipedia

  6. Pretend falling asleep. Then wake up startled and apologize “Oh, I’m so sorry. I shouldn’t have fallen asleep. I feel so bad that I’ve hurt you. Let’s have this again at some better time.”
  7. Insist on watching a programme on TV that will definitely annoy your guests. If they hate sport, go for it and keep the volume high.

All of these tricks would work for evening or lunch guests as well as for overnight guests, who have overstayed their welcome.

There is an Italian saying “L’ospite ed il pesce dopo tre giorni puzzano.” “Guests and fish stink after three days.”

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  1. aunt Tilda
    Posted April 17, 2008 at 2:25 am

    I have few more, guaranteed to work:
    1. Give your guest a mop or a broom to hand “because my poor back aches so, I simply cannot do it”
    2. Since you have nothing to do, could you please arrange and tidy this closet, wardrobe, drawer”
    3. The clincher: Could you please do the shopping or cooking to-day.

    I must be a very lucky one indeed, so far in this long life I never have had a guest I wanted to leave.
    Guests are the salt and honey in my life., so welcome all !

  2. Rana Sinha
    Posted April 17, 2008 at 12:43 pm

    Thanks Aunt Tilda for for additions. They are good one. You are indeed lucky to have had guests you never wanted would leave.

  3. JeanS
    Posted June 21, 2008 at 4:25 am

    Funny. Would these work on in-laws?

  4. Amy
    Posted June 8, 2009 at 2:44 pm

    hi! i really want my grand mom to leave. she arrived a month back and is likely to stay for another month. i don’t have any problems with her staying here except the fact that she has to stay in my room and i have to manage in the living room!!! its now totally unbearable!!! i can’t speak to my mom about this coz every time i do so she gets very sentimental and logical conversation becomes impossible!! HELP ME!!!

  5. sickof1particularGuest
    Posted January 1, 2011 at 11:46 am

    all these could work,but it seems not to work with MY unwanted guest. now I didn’t even need to pretend number 2, I was / am actually ill with food poisoning and guess what??? I’ve been in my bedroom now for maybe 5 hours, my partner (after spending couple of hours with guest talking about rubbish and bringing me hot tea to bedroom) went to run some errands and “guest” is still sitting in my living room…he just won’t get it. he came yesterday, stayed over night and I think he should go now, especially as I am really not well. so I’m in bed upstairs now, my partner said he needs to leave for like an hour, and guest said he’ll wait no problem. then my partner got back, tried to get rid of him nicely, nothing, so he said he needs to leave again for couple of hours now. you think the guest took the hint? of course not. he’s probably happy sat on my couch, where I would definitely be as I’m not well at all and all I can / want to do is watch tv in my pj’s.!! this is sooo flippin frustrating, because all I want is to take rest and snooze off on a sofa. he knows I’m not well at all, yet he continues to stay downstairs on his own now for several hours. I’m frustrated because if I go downstairs, I would have to get changed, make myself look like human again, even though I don’t feel like it and pretend to care what he’s talking about – rubbish, general chit chat, he does this all the time, comes over for a Friday night and then if allowed, will stay until like Sunday 10pm – that actually happened couple of times..worst thing is, he does nothing, just watches tv or plays with phone, things he can do at his house..now tell me, why would you want to be in someone else’s house alone for many hours and still not leave? do u think he’s retarded or has low IQ and EQ because he MUST feel that we don’t want him here, yet he stays..I’m soooo F###ING upset it’s unreal, I don’t want to be hiding in my bedroom, I want my house back and I want it now!!! Make him go pls..somebody help me before I become insane…

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