I have been a paramedic now for over 10 years.I have worked in the busiest system in Americas most violent city and I have worked in the boondocks. I have seen the best and worst people have to offer. I have seen death in about every form it comes in.

 I grew up in a middle income house full of brothers. We got sick,wrecked our bikes,got cut,bruised,broken and still I never saw the back of an ambulance until I was paid to be there. I just got off shift and I am pissed. As I pull up my soapbox,please allow me to vent.

What 911 is not for….

• 911 is not here because your kid has been running a fever for 2 days and you “don’t have money for the Tylenol”, but you have 2 fresh packs of smokes and cold beer in the fridge.
• 911 is not here because you don’t have a ride home, so you call 911 claiming to have “chest pains” and then tell me that you need to go “to the hospital a block from my house,I forget the name of it.”
• 911 is not here because your baby is crying. Babies cry that is what they do, when they don’t cry you need to worry.
• 911 is not here because you don’t have a ride to the hospital for the minor surgery you scheduled a week ago. Something you scheduled a week ago does not constitute an emergency
• 911 is not here because you ran out of your pain medication and you are hoping that by yelling I will give you something”to tide you over.” I am not a drug dealer,they make more money than me
• 911 is not here as a pre-litigation physical service so you can try and have your ship come in by suing grandma who tapped your bumper in the parking lot
• 911 is not here to kiss your ass it is here to save it, there is a difference
• 911 is not here to be your primary care physician, hence EMS stands for Emergency Medical Services. Emergency,Emergency,Emergency……
• 911 is not here to bring you to a different E.R. than the one you are calling from because the wait is too long. You’re waiting because people who are very sick are in the back, see Primary Care Physician above
• 911 is not here to explain a diagnosis that you read on web MD and do not understand ,but you know that is what is wrong with you
• 911 is not here to give you someone to spit on,bite,stab,hit,kick,curse any of these actions will get you restrained or a free trip to jail. I’m going home at the end of my shift
• 911 is not here to take a family member,friend,neighbor ect. to the hospital because you think they should go. If all their marbles are rolling in the same direction and they don’t want to go I can not take them, that is called kidnapping.
• 911 is not here to cure you’re hang over, a hang over is not an emergent medical condition. Stop being such a wuss, you played now you have to pay
• 911 does not due “in field” pregnancy tests, if you think your innocent little girl  isn’t so innocent take her to the doctor or better yet have her pee on the test you can buy at Walgreen’s for 6 bucks
• 911 is not here to raise your kids,if you can not raise them you should not have had them

This is only a small list, but a good one. I feel better I hope you do too. Until next time….