Ten Excuses for Being Found with the Other Woman

Your wife suspects that you are being unfaithful. She is right. You’ve been a no good cheat for months. Finally, she catches you in the act. Here are ten excuses that you can use when being discovered with the other woman:

1. I’m glad that you are finally meeting my secretary. She takes great dictation. We didn’t have a chair around so I decided to let her use my lap.
2. I know that it looks bad. This is Monica. She had a run in her stocking, and I decided to help fix it.
3. We decided to turn down the heat to save on energy. It’s so cold in here that my secretary and I decided to embrace each other to stay warm.
4. Jennifer, I’d like you to meet Mrs. Walker. She’s the new school librarian. I know that it looks funny, but we were discussing a new book about love and romance. We just got a little carried away.
5. My zipper got stuck. Lisa was being kind enough to try to fix it.
6. I was having a panic attack. Shirley was trying to help me get over it. I think that I’m feeling better now.
7. Bridget, I’d like you to meet my cousin Molly. We’re real close cousins. I know that I never mentioned her before, but Molly and I go way back. If it wasn’t for my cousin Molly, I might not have survived the car accident. Thank you Molly. Bridget, why are you shaking your head? What do you plan to do with that rolling pin? I think you’d better leave Molly. This is beginning to feel like the Unsinkable Molly Brown.
8. You caught me in the act. Congratulations on discovering that I was cheating on you. This is actually a setup. We’re part of the new series Cheating on Your Spouses. You get the role of the angry spouse. You sure do a great acting job.
9. We’re not really kissing. Heather was showing me how to use our new glue gun when she accidentally pulled the trigger and glued our lips together.
10. Mildred, I’d like you to meet Candy, my new sex therapist. She’s demonstrating techniques for me to become more passionate and to have better sex in our marriage. She’s doing a fantastic job. Are you ever going to be surprised tonight?