Ten Fortune Cookies from Your Wife’s Divorce Attorney

Your marriage is over. Your wife has decided to divorce you. Here are ten fortune cookie sayings from your wife’s divorce attorney.

1. A penny saved is a penny earned. That’s about all you’ll have left after your wife takes you to the cleaners.
2. The sun will come out tomorrow. Unfortunately, the rest of your life has a very cloudy forecast.
3. You are like old faithful. In your case, it’s unfaithful, and you are going to pay dearly.
4. I predict that your checking account will soon be as unbalanced as your marriage
5. You will no longer have to worry about redecorating the house since you will soon be living in a small flat in the inner city
6. You can squeeze blood from a turnip. After we’re done with you, you’ll look like squash.
7. If you are sweating now, wait until you see the settlement. Don’t worry. Once you receive the papers, you can have a big cry in your new home out on the streets.
8. The upper class never really suited you. Now you can enjoy a more frugal existence. The monastery is awaiting you.
9. Your wife would like you to have these flowers. Of course they are dead, just like the feeling that you’ll have after we have wiped you out.
10. Think of alimony as the gift that you keep on giving