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Worst Pick Up Lines and Best Comebacks

Published by Jo Oliver in Relationship
June 11th, 2008

Are you tired of the cheesy crab men try to pick you up with?

We have all been out somewhere where that obnoxious guy with the cheesy smile and duck strut attempts to use some one liner he heard on the man show or read off the bathroom wall Here are the worst of them and the best comebacks.

I may not be Fred Flintstone, but I bet I can make your Bed Rock.

Comeback: I may not be Bam Bam, but I bet I can give you a lump on the head!

If you were a hamburger at McDonald’s, you would be McGorgeous.

Comeback:  Would that be under your McLame burger?

Did it hurt when you fell out of heaven?

Comeback:  Not near as bad as when you hit planet rejection.

Do you have a map? I just keep getting lost in your eyes.

Comeback:  “Sure” Then give them directions back to their table or wherever.

If I could rearrange the alphabet, I would put U and I together.

Comeback:  Why? I am already beside an I…..as in ignorant.

Your legs must be tired because you’ve been running through my mind all night.

Comeback:  Not near as tired as when I get through running away from you.

Do you clean your clothes with Windex? Because I see myself in your pants.

Comeback:  No, but you should invest in some of that Windex cause your view is seriously cloudy.

Guess what? It’s your lucky day. Out of all the girls here, I picked you to talk to.

Comeback:  Wow! Its your lucky day too. Out of all the ways I could embarrass you right now…..I will just walk away.

Can I buy you a drink….or do you just want the money.

Comeback:  No but you can buy me a bodyguard.

Do you have a license? Because you’re driving me crazy.

Comeback:  Actually, I have a Psychology license, but you are too far gone. Sorry.

Can I take your picture? I want Santa to know exactly what I want for Christmas.

Comeback:  Sorry, Santa already has a brain on lay -a – way for you.

Do you believe in love at first sight or should I walk by again?

Comeback:  No, but sure…. Just next time try to keep walking.

Are you free tonight or will it cost me?

Comeback:  Really I would love to screw your brains out for free, but……..someone beat me to it!

Help the homeless. Take me home with you.

Comeback:  I don’t bring home strays with the mange, but the pound might take you.

Hi, my name is “Milk.” I’ll do your body good.

Comeback:  I’m Lactose intolerant.

Great dress. My floor has been wanting one just like that.

Comeback:  Maybe you should run to Macy’s and take care of that.

Screw me if I am wrong, but is your name Gertrude?

Comeback:  How did you know? Do I know you? OR Yeah, but I don’t talk to strangers.

You might as well sleep with me, I’ll tell my friends you did anyway.

Comeback:  Then really the question will be who will be more embarrassed. Me for sleeping with a dud like you or you after I tell everyone you gave me herpes.

And finally here are some universal “go away” lines.

  1. 100,000 sperm and you were the fastest?
  2. Artificial Intelligence usually beats real stupidity, but there is always an exception.
  3. I would call you a complete idiot, but some parts are obviously missing.
  4. Did your mother put a stop payment on your reality check?
  5. Save your breath you’ll need it to blow up the only person you are going home with.
  6. Really I would love to screw your brains out, but……..someone beat me to it!

Liked it
  1. Hein Marais
    Posted June 11, 2008 at 5:19 pm


  2. Posted April 21, 2009 at 6:39 pm

    Haha Some of these are really cute :)

  3. Posted April 21, 2009 at 6:39 pm

    These were good

  4. billboi
    Posted June 3, 2009 at 6:12 pm

    ma fav comebak is
    person A: ur fat
    person B(me): i can loose weight but ur stuck with tht face 4 eva
    lololol did this 2 sum1 he walked away quikly lol

  5. Jane
    Posted June 25, 2009 at 4:17 pm

    \\\”I Just Realised I Dont Care !\\\”

    \\\”Your Ugliness Makes Me Laugh\\\”

    \\\”Please Stop Existing. Thanks\\\”

  6. JPizzle
    Posted September 17, 2009 at 2:28 am

    best comebacks of all time

    if i wanted comeback…i would have wiped it off your lip

    if i wanted lip,i would have pulled yours off my dick

  7. Posted September 20, 2009 at 12:55 pm

    These are funny one liners.

  8. sara
    Posted October 4, 2009 at 2:44 am

    funny but cute at the same time

  9. Kitty.
    Posted October 19, 2009 at 9:45 am

    Good, ha. I liked these. ^_^

  10. Aaron Clancy
    Posted November 16, 2009 at 11:24 pm

    Those comebacks are horrible :( … If I was the guy in any of those scenarios, I would probably only walk away because I felt sorry for the person on the basis that they have no sense of humour, lol. Comebacks should be aggressive I think.

  11. harry deck
    Posted December 15, 2009 at 10:35 am


    someone calls you short

    ‘ well i have time to grow but you will always be that ugly…’

  12. dude
    Posted December 28, 2009 at 4:20 pm

    whoever made all of those pre-comeback quotes, is sure having a seriously hard time getting laid

  13. 1LT Los
    Posted February 4, 2010 at 10:34 pm

    Someone calls you short? They arent referring to your height small man! A come back is futile after that discovery

  14. Posted March 29, 2010 at 5:50 pm

    Aww these are cute xD

  15. Savvy
    Posted April 8, 2010 at 2:40 am

    You might as well sleep with me, I’ll tell my friends you did anyway.
    Comeback: Then really the question will be who will be more embarrassed. Me for sleeping with a dud like you or you after I tell everyone you gave me herpes.
    a better come back is “or you after i tell everyone what a tic tac sized d*** you have. =] lolz, i used that with my ex =] it was funny.

  16. you'll never know
    Posted March 16, 2011 at 11:07 pm

    ok so i was bored and the abc’s came up in a discusion and i came up with the best comeback to a come on eva!
    Guy: If I could rearange the alfabet i’d put U&I together…
    Girl: Don’t worry i dont have to rearange it to put N&O together….

  17. Posted May 8, 2011 at 3:06 pm

    ok these were hal…… and i have to say some of these to my enemies

  18. Posted April 10, 2012 at 2:11 pm

    Heheh I laughed alot on these! Good work!

  19. Nat
    Posted May 6, 2012 at 10:54 pm

    No one uses these pick up lines anymore!

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