Follow us on Twitter
Side-Splitting Jokes
Published by Travis Cornwall in Jokes
December 22nd, 2008
A few jokes which I hope you all will enjoy.
A Canadian, and Aussie engineer, and Osama Bin Laden are together having a beer when a genie comes to them.
“I will give you three wishes, which is one wish each.”
The Canadian says, “I am a farmer, my sons will be farmers. I want the land in Canada to be forever fertile.” And with the blink of the genies eye the lands of Canada were forever fertile.
Osama Bin Laden looked at the genie and said, “I want you to put an impenetrable all around Afghanistan, Palestine, Israel, Iraq and Iran to protect us from the Americans.”
And with the blink of the genie’s eye, the massive wall appears. The Aussie, who until this time had been silent, perked up.
“Genie, tell me more about this wall.”
And the genie replies, “It is 5000 feet high, 500 feet wide and is virtually impenetrable.”
The Aussie sits back, cracks a beer and smiles.
“Fill it with water…”
*******************
An American, A Russian and a blonde are all at the mall when they start arguing.
The Russian says, “Us Russians were the first in space.”
The American says, “So, we were the first on the moon.”
And the blonde says, “Well guess what? We blondes are going to be the first on the sun.”
The Russian and American both reply at the same time, “You can’t do that, you will die.”
The blonde replies, “We blondes aren’t that dumb you know. We’re going to go at night.”
*********************
A Yankees fan was enjoying himself at the game in a packed Yankee Stadium, until he noticed an empty seat down in front. He went down and asked the guy next to it if he knew whose seat it was.
The guy said, “Yes, that’s my wife’s seat. We have never missed a game since Joe DiMaggio played, but now my wife is dead.”
The fan offered his sympathy and said it was really too bad that he couldn’t find some relative to enjoy the game with.
“Oh no. I can.” the guy replied. “It’s just that they’re all at the funeral.”
*********************
A manager at a General Store is teaching a young, newly hired boy how to sell people more than they really want. Suddenly, a man walks in asking for a bag of lawn seed. The manager walks up to him and says, “Of course. But you will want a lawn mower, too, right?”
The man asks, “Why would I be?”
The manager replies, “Because when the lawn seed grows, you’ll need something to cut the grass with.”
Surprisingly, the man buys a lawn mower. Then another man walks in and asks for a box of Tampax. The manager nudges the newly hired boy. The boy walks up to the man and says, “Right away, Sir. But, of course, you will want a lawn mower with that, right?”
The shocked man asks, “Why?!”
The young man then replies, “Well, your weekend’s screwed, so you might as well mow the lawn.”
***********************
An Illinois man left the snowballed streets of Chicago for a vacation in Florida. His wife was on a business trip and was planning to meet him there the next day. When he reached his hotel, he decided to send his wife a quick e-mail.
Unable to find the scrap of paper on which he had written her e-mail address, he did his best to type it in from memory. Unfortunately, he missed one letter, and his note was directed instead to an elderly preacher’s wife whose husband had passed away only the day before. When the grieving widow checked her e-mail, she took one look at the monitor, let out a piercing scream, and fell to the floor dead.
At the sound, her family rushed into the room and saw this note on the screen:
Dearest Wife
Just got checked in. Everything prepared for your arrival tomorrow.
You’re Loving Husband.
P.S. Sure is hot down here.
Here’s some other funny things for you to look at:
Liked it
