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Some of the Best Short Jokes with No Swearing

Published by 3cardmonte in Jokes
November 7th, 2008

People often complain that comedians swear too much these days, so here are some clean as a whistle jokes.

I went into the video store and said “Can I have Batman forever?” and the man behind the counter said “no you’ve got to bring it back tomorrow”

Black beauty, now there’s a dark horse.

What’s the difference between chopped liver and pea soup? Everyone can chop liver,but not everyone can pea soup.

Where do you find a one legged dog? Where you left it.

I went to the Airport, went up to the desk and said “cluck cluck” The woman behind the counter said “no, this is the check in desk”.

I went to the Doctor and said “everything I eat tastes like apples pears or bananas” He said “you’ve got fruit gums”.

Two Aeriels got married the other day,the ceremony was terrible but the reception was great.

What’s pink and fluffy? Pink fluff.

I rang up my local building site and said “I want a skip outside my house” he said “I’m not stopping you”

My friend tried to start a fight with a tarmac road, I said “don’t mess with him,he’s a cycle path!”

A packet of cigarettes started screaming,shouting and grabbing people that went past them, they were going menthol.

I walked into the bakery and said “can I have an iced bun please” the woman behind the counter said “hundreds and thousands?” I said “no just the one thanks” (Maybe only British people might get that one, but hundreds and thousands are like sprinkles for doughnuts)

The police caught two boys, one drinking battery acid and one eating fireworks,they charged one and let the other one off.

I’m sure there are loads more but I just can’t think of any at the minute,feel free to add some in your comments if you like!

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  1. Carol Ford
    Posted December 28, 2008 at 11:51 am

    Enjoyed the jokes. Thanks for the laughs.
    http://www.wantingtowork.today.com

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