Ebenezer Scrooge is the tight fisted, stingy, and mean spirited man in Charles Dickens’ 1843 novel, A Christmas Carol. He finds redemption after being visited by the three ghosts of Christmas. Prior to his transformation into a generous and kind man, Scrooge was thoroughly despicable and uncaring. Here are ten things that I’d like to say to Ebenezer Scrooge today:

1. Do you have any money to bailout the Big Three?
2. I’m sorry but your home is being foreclosed
3. What’s that? You’re also in need of a bailout. Bah! Humbug!
4. Did you know that Tiny Tim became famous when he sang “Tiptoe Through the Tulips?”
5. Are you related to Scrooge McDuck?
6. Did you know that Bob Cratchit recently won the hundred million dollar lottery? He’s decided to buy up your business
7. By the way, I recently saw Jacob Marley hanging around with Elvis. Jacob really looked all shook up.
8. Did you see Belle in Beauty and the Beast? I understand that you have a serious crush on Martha Stewart
9. Did you order the Tombstone Pizza? Oh I’m sorry. I guess it was ordered by the Ghost of Christmas Yet to Come.
10. I’m sorry but you are too old to try out for the American Idol. Have you considered trying out for Dancing with the Misers instead?