Telemarketers are a nuisance. They call at the worst times. Here are twelve

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Chinese fortune cookies from the mouths of telemarketers:

1. It’s time to be generous. Just pledge twenty-five dollars to our worthy cause.
2. You are about to turn your life around. Come on down and join the military. You’ll be glad you did.
3. Your home is about to be infested by bugs. Call the number on the back of this fortune and end your bug problem forever.
4. Your credit sucks. Time to call Happy Joe. He’ll get your credit on the right track.
5. You have a kind and wonderful spirit. Just send ten cards to your neighbors and friends and spread the kindness.
6. You are about to become a victim unless you give to your local policeman’s assistance fund.
7. Today you are feeling a little less intelligent. We can remedy that with our entire collection of encyclopedias.
8. You are getting fatter as you read this fortune. No problem! Go to Big Jim’s Weight Loss Center.
9. Your time is running out to get to the voter’s booth. Vote for Sandra Perfect. She’ll make a perfect Congressman.
10. Stop sleeping on the job. You’ll never get ahead. Try a package of Yawn Away tablets. They really work!
11. You are about to die for our totally fat and delicious gourmet ice cream. You’ll add twenty pounds in no time.
12. Get off the computer. It’s frying your mind. Subscribe to our complete line of magazines instead. We even offer a ten percent discount for seniors.