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A Quare Gunk
I have struggled for years to make my life and my sons life better with not even little success but no success at all. The Social services have been completely ineffectual and useless to me. I complained begged cajoled with little result. I had reached the point were I was going through the motions Then I had a quare gunk and that (along with the usual stink that is my life set off a chain of events in my life and more importantly in my mind that culminated in me making a profound decision about my life and the life of my son. (For any American readers – A quare gunk is an expression that sort of means a kick up the backside to get you going again – or a bit of a shock).
Have you ever had a quare gunk? Have you ever walked into a room and saw someone and something clicks or goes off inside you. You are not sure if it’s in your head or your heart or that indefinable thing they call the soul; but something clicks something that you only intuitively know?
And have you ever worked yourself up into such a state of nervousness around someone that you feel almost paralysed? Mentally kicking yourself for being so uncool? Wanting so much to appear nonchalant, calm maybe even slightly unimpressed rather than (how can I put this)- Begging for it?
If this ever happens to you it will be the start of the end of your world-as you know it. Everything after that one meeting changes. Sometimes you may feel that you are struggling to wake up out of a dream or a nightmare (depending on how your life was prior to that one day). You will embark on a journey that changes your life forever. It may be a slow painful, extremely painful path and you may find yourself walking it alone. (because ultimately this is your life and people can’t do the things that need to be done for you-that is up to you). At times you will feel as if wild horses are dragging you to the end of your life but you will have a vague hope that they are dragging you to the beginning of a new life. Other times you will know things are not happening fast enough.
What will happen when you feel yourself coming up to the start of your new life? It may start of with a sense of profound sadness, of grief. You will be carrying so many negative emotions around your heart will feel like a lump of lead. The consolation you can offer yourself is that you are at least at the start of something new. All those negative emotions you have loss, anger at the world that shaped your life – made you who you are, the sorrow and the pain will eventual dissipate to a manageable level and you can start to live life as an adventure rather than living life as a heavy burden of commitments and loyalty and responsibility.
When you meet your quare gunk things may not go as you initially hoped but you can always be grateful that they came into your life. Instead of the daydreams aim for contentment and peace of mind, peace of mind is always a good place to start. Remember them always with a sense of love for they were the kick start you needed to make a change.
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I have had many of these guare gunk moments too Geri. I guess some of us have to go through more in our lives than others. I do believe it makes us better people for the hurdles we have to overcome…:)
It’s hard to believe, but these are the things that make us stronger individuals.
The most important thing of all is to learn from these moments the first time.
An uplifting piece.