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A Series of Unfortunate Thongs

Published by s hayes in Offbeat
April 12th, 2009

Thongs – Five examples of when the thong is wrong.

OK, the title of this article has a little story behind it…….

My mum wanted to buy my daughter a book for Easter, instead of an egg. She requested a list what books she was reading – to prevent duplicating – I emailed a list over – but must have had a “blonde moment” (no offense meant to blondes!),whilst typing, the books titles “A Series of Unfortunate Events” and “Angus Thongs and Perfect Snogging” they mysteriously amalgamated into “A Series of Unfortunate Thongs”

I am still awaiting the inevitable back-lash regarding the inappropriate choice of reading matter for a ten year old.

BUT it would have been a shame not to take advantage of such an unexpected but intriguing title!
Thongs – a bizarre underwear revolution – They look great on some people…..but for others they are just wrong!


When are Thongs all Wrong?

I have set out five examples below.

1 – Thongs on Show

Thongs were invented to eradicate VPL – Visible Panty Line which is apparently a fashion no-no- Since the advent of the thong revolution, however, I have seen more underwear on show …in public than ever before! I bet you have too!

How is this more acceptable than VPL?

Thongs image by jadda6 on Photobucket
If your pants ride low, your thong is on show! Keep your pants up high, it’s less shocking to the eye.

2 – Thongs on the Beach

Thongs on the beach are a great way of achieving a maxi tan, however, unfortunately, most of us don’t have bodies like Pamela Anderson – and although I believe that our society is far too image conscious and that we are all natural beauties, whatever our age, size or shape. Personally I have no desire to traumatise the innocent on the beach so would steer away from public displays of “thongery” which some may find offensive.

Thongs image by LIB94cor on Photobucket

3 – Men In Thongs

Men – Please stick to pants or shorts in public!! In my opinion, men in thongs = unholy. Even if it is Thong Thursday!!!???!!!

Thongs on men can only be good for comedic effect!

Borat image by jordanjackthomas on Photobucket

4 – Thongs As Robbery Face Masks

It seems that the traditional robbery mask of tights over the head is now been modernised.

The link below describes how a robber used a small green thong to hide his identity whilst emptying the shelves of a shop in Colorado LINK TO NEWS ITEM

Very wrong on so many Levels!

The image below is not a robber – but just a demonstration of how a thong mask works.

Thong face image by naests on Photobucket

5 – The New “C String” Thong

Take a look at this bad boy! – Yes – this instrument of torture is supposed to be the ultimate thong – no visible lines at all – but I ask you – Why, why, why would anyone other than a masochist don this item?
This is an accident waiting to happen!


I am sure that many will disagree with my points – will argue that thongs are the greatest invention in the universe – if so -let me know x

Liked it
  1. Posted April 12, 2009 at 10:30 am

    Great fun. I believe they are also known as A**-floss…and no wonder. :)

  2. Posted April 12, 2009 at 10:37 am

    All thongs bright and beautiful!

    Personally I find these things quite uncomfortable.

  3. Posted April 12, 2009 at 10:47 am

    It’s a fine line…Great article!!

  4. Posted April 12, 2009 at 12:05 pm

    now that was funny great write

  5. Posted April 12, 2009 at 12:07 pm

    Hysterical! Well done.

  6. Posted April 12, 2009 at 6:13 pm

    Thongs are the most ridiculous invention of mankind. You notice I said man. It must have been a man. No sane woman would think of such a ludicrous thing.

    I apoligise to you ladies who wear them. You must enjoy torture. Sorry again.

  7. Posted April 12, 2009 at 7:02 pm

    Actually my wife tells me they are far more comfortable than anything else. The butt floss you are referring to C Jordan is actually G-strings, which are a very different design. I am a boxer man myself so you will never see me in a thong; or banana hammock as they male version is called. As for being invented by a man, I doubt it. According to Wikipedia it was worn by American Indians first in history.

  8. ShelliLynn
    Posted April 12, 2009 at 8:17 pm

    This was very humorous and you made some good points! =)

  9. Posted April 13, 2009 at 4:00 pm

    I loved this! Every single one of these are true too. THongs can be helpful but they can be badly abused…

  10. John finch
    Posted April 28, 2009 at 1:31 am

    I personally like the way a thong feels. Who’s cares what it looks like on someone just as long as the wearer is comfortable with them. Don’t knock it unless you try it.

  11. Daringest
    Posted September 19, 2009 at 4:57 am

    Actually, men invented thongs and men first wore thongs. Loin clothes, dance belts are types of thongs, and jockstraps evolved into thongs. They are quite comfortable to wear.

    Also, ridiculing men is just a crutch used be who aren’t funny but who try to be funny. Women are claimed to be more overweight than men are. The average man looks better wearing a thong than the average woman does.

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