Image via Wikipedia

Image via Wikipedia

   Recently on the Glen Beck Show, Chuck Norris claimed to have knowledge of “thousands” of terrorist cells, which are plotting to take over the USA. In his comments, he expressed his desire to be the “President” of Texas, and warned that he would assist in breaking the union of the United States, if things did not go his way.

  Stupidity takes real commitment. The type of drive and focus implemented to become a great martial artist, or the unrelenting dedication that Disney has to take young girls and carefully mold them into under-aged whores, offer examples of what one can accomplish with will- power, vision, and a whole lot of time. I am not suggesting that Mister Norris is stupid, as he lacks the commitment, but the people who support him are willfully ignorant…and that is evil.

  While the possibility of a Norris election for “President” of Texas is unrealistic (as Chuck is waaaaaaay too feminine to be elected President of Texas), it is highly probable that there may actually be wack-jobs who would support his policies.

  So what should we do, if one of Chuck’s cells kicks in our doors and threatens our families and us?

  In the case of a Norris cell home invasion scenario, hanging garlic wreaths on your door may not offer the proper protection needed to ward off his rogue Republican-vampire hordes.

    I am opting for purchasing cardboard cutouts of Jet Li and Jackie Chan, or any reputable martial artists who would put the fear of god into Chuck.

   Of course, if I covered my lawn with Jesse Ventura campaign posters, it should be enough to back off any Chuck Norris fan…and I would not mind having Jesse Ventura for the President of Texas. I do not know if that would inspire me to move from Michigan, but I would like to see him use some of his Special Force’s moves on Chuck’s traitorous ass, and that would allow us to see our taxpayer’s dollars at work towards positive change.