As opposed to, I don’t know, -musical tones, colorful flashes of light or hand gestures? At least they are no longer capturing our women or stealing our resources. My cynical take on …crop circles.

Crop Circle. UFO Message? Something Paranormal?

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A typical crop circle, this one is at Waylands Smithy, Oxfordshire. -Looks like an aerial view of the former Twin Towers building in New York City, eh? Proposed landing site for a UFO maybe? I don’t think that there is anything paranormal here, just an abundance of time and mischief. I think that crop farmers have a vested interest in keeping people out of and off of their crop fields for this actually affects their total harvest, this matting-down of the cereal grain for whatever asthetic or artistic message trying to be proffered.

The cereal grain here is wheat. Have you ever noticed that these seem to mostly occur in wheat fields, and it is always fields with those ‘paths’ in them… -what they heck are those, anyway? You know, here in the western hemisphere we don’t do that. Our wheat fields are pretty much all wheat. Not too many ‘barren paths’ running parallel through the fields. It cuts down on nighttime hooliganism going undetected and it tends to give more wheat per acre if the entire field is planted. If I’m sensing a pattern here it is because I suspect mischievous play at work.

Crop Circle in Corner of Field

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Again with the dirt road and tree cover. -Look for beer cans! It always seems to have a convenient place to access the field with a vehicle, unload a few dozen math students from the nearby college and their surveying gears (ropes, measures, maps, etc) and perform some magic upon some unsuspecting farmer’s cash crop.

Firefox Aliens

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Using a ‘Tony the Tiger’ voice “They’re GR-R-R-REAT!” Okay now this rocks the cereal aisle! Firefox is an amazing browser and some fanciers of the open-source Mozilla product apparently got permission to perform this upon the field. You’ve probably seen the main images of this before, they are everywhere on the ‘net. I chose a Google screen-capture for display.

Mayan Calendar, 2012

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If you have not enough ‘Global Warming’ fears and horror stories of the Ross Antarctic Shelf breaking off and causing a 20-foot increase in the sea-level, you need to Google “2012.” This is the year that the Mayan calendar predicts all manner of disaster, or change depending upon interpretation, for the planet. –Earthquakes, floods, comets from space colliding with Earth, geo-magnetic poles flip-flopping. Remember that flop of a film “The Jupiter Effect?”

-Al Gore clones himself repeatedly and begins speaking Inconvenient Truths in multiple locations simultaneously while George W. Bush is re-elected to an unprecedented third term as President of the United States coupled with reported incidents of dogs & cats sleeping together, -it will be a veritable hell on Earth!

Well, maybe not. The current Mayan calendar ‘ends’ in 2012, December 21rst. Apparently, like an odometer on a car, it ‘rolls over’ and begins again, so stop worrying. Apparently this date, 2012, has some coincidental correlation to the solar system’s wobble up & down through the Galactic equator. This period is called the “2012 era”. Well, this is supposedly a 36-year cycle, which began in 1980 and ends in 2016, putting the ‘deadline’ anywhere in the middle. We could worry ourselves over the musings of an extinct culture that predicted this calamity several thousand years ago since they had such wonderful scientific knowledge of the universe as opposed to, I don’t know, today’s science? So, stop worrying and enjoy the show. I think the “2012” movie is going to break box office records.

Darth Vader , UFOs, Crop Circles and Celestial Visitation?

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But if aliens are not coming, have they been here before? Well, -perhaps. This rock cut seems to suggest that Darth Vader was here on Earth a long time ago. And what is that thing standing center? An alien? A gazzelle? An armadillo? It looks as if it has some sort of shell on its back. Behind it, are clearly referances to ‘cereal grains’ and the star-thing above it, a crop circle I suppose. Hmm.. But I definately like the figure to the right, the helmet-headed one. It looks like none other than that son of a sith himself, Darth Vader! He’s in this show too!

“Luke, I am your forefather!”

It’s like that Indiana Jones scene where he’s prying open this ancient crypt or box or something, -you know, the usual for him. Maybe it was from last year’s movie “Indiana Jones & The Kingdom of the Crystal Skull?” I have not seen the movie yet. The pillar to his right has hieroglyphs on it from the STAR WARS movies and very visible are R2-D2 and C-3PO can be seen! HA! –I knew it! That so totally nukes the ‘fridge!

Crop-Circle Beer

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So let’s have an ice cold crop-cereal beer and just relax. I’ll take a sixer of my favorite Polish Wheat Pop and kick my feet up and enjoy the show!

Massive Crop Circles

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I have seen these out in the western states, Nebraska notably, Kansas, eastern Colorado. These have something to do with crops I’m sure, -but aliens? I think it was in “Enterprise, Kansas” (I have been there before) there is supposed to be a grain silo with a miniature model of the U.S.S. Enterprise hovering over top of the silo? Probably beaming-up the grain, no doubt. Remember that classic STAR TREK episode “The Trouble With Tribbles” and the Quadro-Triticale wheat (a four-lobed hybrid of the grain “triticale.’)

Shoot, -nobody is an alien out west. Everyone in related to everyone else if you checked. Heck, -in some of those small towns in the mountains its almost a genetic thing. Towns with populations of just three or four  thousand people but with just 12 lastnames… YOU do the math!

Oh, -Never Mind!

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 The image source cites “watering soybeans, Keya Paha County, Nebraska. Each ‘pivot’ is approximately 1600′ long and irrigates a quarter-section (one quarter of a square mile).So calm the heck down! –We got this one! No space aliens here. No cable TV either, I’d bet.

Parliament Hill. As Seen From the 4th Dimension

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I have no idea what is going on here. This is Parliament Hill, Ottawa; Canada’s Capitol Building. Apparently the film image was warped into a 360-degree circle. According to the author’s notes, the circle in the middle is the Ottawa River.-Let’s all sing the Canadian National Anthem, “Oh Can-a-da, we stand on guard for thee…Oh Can-a-da, -” (I’m saving the rest of this for the next Olympics. We’ll take gold this time and we’ll do it on Canadian soil!)

Dude, -Where’s My Waterpik?

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This will water the crops with a gentle but invigorating massaging spray while optimizing the water flow by up to 30%. –Gnarly!