Five Reasons Why I’d be Better Off If Zombies Attacked
Image via Wikipedia
Five Reasons Why I’d Be Better Off if Zombies Attacked
- Old school zombies are slow and easy to outrun, but people panic anyway. A lot of stuff is abandoned. Stuff I can use. Stuff that needs a home, that I would happily provide. Stuff like a new X-box 360, a big screen T.V. and a complete solar cell/battery system to run it all.
- I can use a great sword, four feet or better, though I prefer a hand and a half or “bastard” sword. Not only a cutting weapon for disassembling the zombies, but also a crushing weapon for destroying the brain. I can use it well. People tend to respect and reward someone who has just decapitated the flesh eating zombie that was at their door.
- I can grow my own food. I can also pick food provided by Mother Nature, having learned what is edible and tasty and what is not. I have found that quite a few people possess no such skill. As a matter of fact, I know quite a few people who would starve without fast food and if zombies attack it is doubtful that your corner burger joint will remain unscathed. I’ll get mighty popular, mighty fast. Those same people who can afford to eat out every night have a lot of stuff. Stuff I can use.
- I can make my own soap, my own ink and quill pens, spin my own yarn, weave my own cloth, sew my own clothes, dig and process my own clay and make my own hand thrown dishes out of that clay fired in a pit kiln constructed by me. None of these things have ANY meaning if zombies don’t attack. What I can’t do is make my own X-Box 360.
- I’ve seen every Bruce Campbell movie ever made, and own most of them. (I can’t recommend ‘My Name is Bruce’ enough. Funny stuff.) I even own ‘Briscoe County Junior-The Complete Series’, and episodes of Zena where Bruce was the Prince of Thieves. For those of you wondering what that has to do with zombies attacking, that’s okay. You don’t need to know. The rest of us could really use your stuff.
Read more in Offbeat« Then and NowCool Facts About Israel »
Image by via Flickr
Where the HELL are my freakin’ zombies!?!?
Other rants by me: