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Flying Penguins

Published by Stewart the Man in Offbeat
September 19, 2009

So we had to write an origin myth for an English assignment in school… An origin myth? Seriously? Well then. Let’s just write about why penguins can’t fly. This should be quite fun.

Many years ago, long before the time of our ancestors’ ancestors, this world that we inhabit was a much different place.  Mankind was just another instrument of Nature, no greater than the beasts of the land, the birds of the air, or the fish of the sea.  All the Earth was frigid, and the masters of the times were the polar bears, the penguins, and the seals.  Penguins were the sacred rulers of this world, placed in their seat of supremacy by the Master of Cosmos, and instructed to be fair in all their conducts.  In order to supervise their realm, they were given the ability to fly.  Not only could they slide across the ice at blazing speeds and dive to incredible depths in a matter of seconds, penguins could also soar through the celestial sphere and oversee all the events under their control.

Thus, the penguins came to enjoy their power, and slowly but surely began to abuse it to advance their own purposes.  A Council of Elders had been elected to preside over the Earth, and it was composed of the five strongest, wisest, and influential Penguin Lords of the world.  These were Sabio, Deseo, Equilibrio, Felsen, and Chama.  Each of these knew their responsibilities and their duties, and did everything possible to bring balance to their great nation.  Sabio was the self-appointed president of the Council, and for many years maintained equilibrium and freedom amidst the chaos that frequently erupted during those turbulent years.  His orders were carried out through Deseo, Equilibrio, Felsen, and Chama, and the world was brought to peace.  This earned him great respect from the masses, and his power grew beyond that of the other four members of Council, despite the regulations the five were meant to follow.  Anger, fueled by jealousy, slowly grew among the other four.

However, what Deseo, Equilibrio, Felsen, and Chama didn’t know was that Sabio, in his expanded power, had established a network of spies to inform him of all the actions of the Four (as they shall henceforth be known).  Unknowing of this detail, they began to create an elaborate plot of treachery, developed carefully day by day.  The Four feared Sabio’s intentions, believing that he aimed to gain absolute control over all the world and eliminate them each.  Whether this was among his goals or not, we shall never know, but he did use his powers to gain mates, money, and personal glory.  He employed policies of eradication of what he called inferior species to penguins, first killing off the dodos, and then slowly destroying dinosaurs from within.  Sabio was greatly feared, and that was precisely what he wanted.  This feeling of fear was perhaps greatest in the spies who informed him of the Four’s conspiracy, because they knew that their actions were contradictory to all the moral values they were taught to believe.  Nonetheless, these spies valued their lives more, and betrayed the Four, revealing everything to Sabio.

Upon hearing his spies’ information, Sabio erupted in anger.  How dare these four infringe upon his reign!  Deseo and the rest had elected him to lead the Council in the first place, had they not?  And now, they mock his power by planning to dethrone him!  Thus, it was decided in Sabio’s mind that Deseo, Equilibrio, Felsen, and Chama had to die.

At this moment, Felsen arrived at Sabio’s home, landing from his long flight exhausted.  Clutching a branch of leaves in his hand, that he planned to use to illustrate the point that the age of cold was leaving them, he laid down to rest outside of Sabio’s dwelling.  Full of fury, Sabio kicked his door open and stormed out, running directly over Felsen.  Without a thought, he kept running, leapt into the air, and flew into the horizon, his eyes focused on a single distant point, the Council building.

Chama was finishing the construction of an underground tunnel system meant for emergency escape, when he heard the flapping of wings behind him.  He turned just in time to see the whites of Sabio’s eyes before his heart was pierced by a jagged icicle clutched by the three toes on Sabio’s left foot.  Deseo fell to Sabio’s wrath next, but he didn’t go down without a fight.  He was incubating his new wife’s egg at the moment when Sabio landed behind him, and he turned, unleashing a brutal roundhouse kick to Sabio’s face.  Sabio momentarily stumbled, but recovered and did a front-flip over Deseo’s head, landing with his wings wrapped around Deseo’s throat.  Deseo refused to move from his egg, and stood defiant even as he was slowly strangled to death.  Just as Deseo’s cold lifeless body sunk to the ground, Equilibrio leapt from the shadows, landing on Sabio’s back and pummeling the back of his head with a flurry of strikes from both his wings.  But Sabio proved to be stronger and threw Equilibrio off his back, but Equilibrio landed neatly and pelted Sabio with a multitude of ice-balls.  Sabio fell to the ground, slid across the ice, took out the feet of Equilibrio, and left an icicle in his temple before he could react.  The land strewn with bodies, Sabio realized he had made a fatal mistake.

Felsen sat on the back of the Master of Cosmos, soaring through the sky, ever closer to the Council building.  He was sure his closest friends were now dead, and he had called upon the Master of Cosmos in a desperate attempt to right the many wrongs of the situation.  Sabio met them in the air, and attempted to throw Felsen to the ground, but was precipitated to the Earth by the Master of Cosmos.  Upon landing, he addressed both penguins.

“Sabio, you have wrought a fate of great misfortune upon the inhabitants of this world through your selfish actions.  The dead and dying hand of the nations of this Earth lies upon the threshold of your Council building.  But it is too late.  Therefore, I find it in the interest of justice to strip you of all power over this Earth.  Penguins shall forever more be like the beasts of the land, only able to walk, with wings flapping uselessly at the side.  Your personal mistake has brought disaster to your entire species, Sabio.  To prevent your shame, I now smite you upon this very spot.”

At that moment, the Master of Cosmos wiped Sabio from existence with a strike to the ground so powerful that for many miles north and south the land rose up in jagged peaks.  These peaks are now called the Himalayas.  He then turned to Felsen.

“Your actions were only to benefit the inhabitants of this planet.  You shall be blessed, and be known as the father of generations.  Out of you will stem all the species of penguins that shall ever exist.  However, you will not see your kingdom before your death, and it shall be isolated from the rest of Earth.  Thus, I send you all to a land which I name…  Antarctica!  From there penguins shall never fly to refuge.”

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2 Comments

  1. Posted September 19, 2009 at 9:23 am

    Great interesting write! Thanks for sharing

  2. Posted September 19, 2009 at 1:27 pm

    good story, keep writing.

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