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Frogs Catching Flies to Feed to Sharks
A scientific journey with a smattering of bombast and bathos.
Take-Your_Kids-to-Work-Day, in Frog heaven.
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A Hip-pocket frog, camouflaged in leaf litter and spilled root beer.
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A frog, sitting on a leaf or a lily pad, will suddenly dart a silent tongue and capture unwary prey.
These keen observations cap the entire 67-year career of Professor I.M. Schmarttipantz, doctor of this, that, and the other, and certified Master of the Obvious. This charming author, also noted for his opus, “There’s a Shark in My Drawers (and it’s giving me a wedgie)”, has been circling the globe on a promotional tour (an expensive proposition, because having a hammerhead-shark in your boxers requires the purchase of an extra seat on all planes, trains, ships, and rickshaws).
Samiyam, part-time rickshaw operator, and fairly successful mail-order bride delivery facilitator. “Big Wheel” design allows Sam to cart travellers with large animals in their pants and skirts.
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“Ballpeen”, name Dr. Schmarttipantz gave to the crotch-invader inhabiting his pants. Note contented expression on shark, after it has apparently slurped mouthful of some kind of whipping cream.
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After painful (and ultimately unsuccessful) attempts to dislodge the shark’s cephalofoil from his Fruit of the Looms, Schmarttipantz returned to his native land, Northeastern Southwestern Upper Lower Flatulancia, a small landlocked beach resort republic, most commonly known for the absence of water at any of its beaches, or anywhere else in the country for that matter (only five reported drownings in the last hundred years, all tub and sink related, and just one ongoing shark attack in all that time).
Beach-goers frolic in the sand at Flatulancia’s most popular ocean-less vacation get-away. Anglers on the pier target schools of sand sharks, which, despite a certain gritty texture, are favoites on dinner tables throughout the country.
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Schmarttipantz once explained his conversion to the study of small amphibians (five or six of which inhabit his wild mane).”Gottammitt! With sharks in my lederhosen, what else I’m gonna do?
Dr. I. M. Schmarttipantz in his ‘thinking box”
Image by manfrys via Flickr
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8 Comments
Very interesting read. I really enjoyed it.
If this is for the writing challenge I thorougly enjoyed it!
Hahahah – completely mental – so of course I love it. Thanks for playing again Rod.
very funny, love the names
Yeah, really zany.
Great entry for the challenge.
interesting article
‘Crotch invader’!..’Fruit of the looms’!..hehehehahaha..god love ya Rod Ferrandino..another far-out story!..oh, that’s right..this one was written for Duff’s challenge too..and what an excellent entry it is
Take a look at this: http://weirdwacky.tripod.com/