It’s the age old question isn’t it: heels or flats? Whether it is confused women desperately deliberating over what shoes to wear for work, or the academics endeavouring to conclude which is more suitable for our health.

Both have their respective positive and negatives. For instance, if woman a) wears said “heels” to work she will no doubt gain a few inches in height, her legs will appear longer, she will walk with elegance and her ankles will be the envy of every woman sporting the casual lookcomplete with Reebok’s. However, if woman a) has to walk to the train station (as is fairly likely) the balls of her feet will most certainly burn with enough passion to rival that of the pits of hell them self. What’s more, it has been put forward that thrusting our innocent feet into such devilishly charming heels can lead to unnatural posture and can in extreme cases alter the position of our spines.

So, the answer would seem simple then wouldn’t it? Just wear flats-or slip a pair into your handbag for walking and have the heels at the ready for public appearances. But wait a minute. Surely your thinking, what problem could you possibly find with this solution? Well, what happens if your nice shoes’ daggers of heels don’t fit in your bag? What if (like me) your flats turn out to be the most murderous contraptions that ever walked the earth? Then it seems we are back to square one and we shall continue to walk in a circle finding no solution, and your feet would end up hurting anyway.

Personal experience has taught me that sometimes you can’t win either way. For instance, one morning I was inspired to wear a pair of four inch wedges to work, and on the way home the strap holding the shoe on my right foot only went and broke didn’t it. Could it get any worse? Yes. Cold hard bullets of rain suddenly commenced firing from the sky and without an umbrella I was forced to walk the twenty minute journey home in the rain and barefoot, whilst carrying the wretched broken wedges in my dripping hands.

Furthermore, Flats can be ever so deceiving. Flip flops are infamous for gnawing between our poor toes, boots can pinch our toes, and even pumps can literally burn the backs of our feet to the point that they look as if a giant worm is embedded there. On closer inspection however-panic over it s just one hell of a blister.

Even clever inventions like “party feet” which claim to alleviate the agonies of devil shoes, you can’t help wondering “would I have been better off in a different pair of shoes altogether?”  The heart-wrenching tragedy it is to discover you’re newly purchased shoes more charming than price charming could ever lay his hands on, are actually physically impossible to wear properly.

So what are we to do in a modern world where teleportation and jet packs have yet to be invented to save us walking the metres that cost us our feet? For those determined to peruse their march in stilettos I don’t blame you. How many times have I vowed never to wear those killer heels….that is until the next day when the earlier pain can be conveniently forgotten.  We can only live in hope. That one day the perfect pair of shoes will come our way and not be a wolf in sheep’s clothing i.e. they will be stunning and comfortable.  It beats learning the hard way and stepping on broken glass barefoot.