Cooking:

Create cucumber soup the easy way – a month or so in the fridge should do it.

Make sure that you always use the weakest knife in the house when chopping carrots (raw) so the blade snaps and stick into your hand. Now make sure you chop (after finding the one knife you always use) onions and let the juice get into new cut. Next chop a chilli and or pepper, which eyes are stinging from onion fumes….rub eyes. Place all vegetables that needs boiling into a large pot. Do not place on any heat…then wonder why it’s not warming up 10 minutes later.

If you spill icing sugar on the floor, getting out the mop is an excellent way of ensuring that the entire kitchen becomes beautifully iced. Even better, if you did this whilst taking the icing sugar out of the cupboard, and got it over you, there is endless fun to be had in trying to wash your hair.

When using the tried and tested technique of pouring a hot drink from one mug to another to cool it down, get into a rhythm and end up tipping both mugs at the same time to release the still scalding hot choc into your lap. Hours of fun as you try to remove trousers, clean up sticky mess and cry about your own stupidity all at once…

Be adventurous at your next conference. Try a new type of coffee (latte & espresso are so old hat). Why not push the button labelled jug coffee?…..

When making jam make sure you boil it all over the cooker and generally get every surface sticky. Then burn yourself trying to get it out the pan before it sets.

It’s always a good idea to let the children make real lemonade without any adult supervision. That way you get to spend the next week wiping sticky lemon juice from every surface in the kitchen, including the floor.

Store glass Pyrex jugs on the highest possible shelf, particularly if you are a little challenged in the height department. Then, when you are in a rush to get one down you won’t quite be able to get hold of it and it will smash onto the worktop, then onto the floor in a spectacular fashion. You’ll be finding tiny shards of glass for weeks; it’s especially important to have bare feet for this.